Another Fourth, Another Tank/Turtle War

Today folks in my neck of the woods are celebrating the United States of America’s Independence Day. There will be barbequing, beer, and fireworks a’sploding from coast to coast.

And, in addition to good noms and drinks, there will be a war tonight. Specifically at my parents’ house.

Yes, my friends, there will be a war between tanks, turtles, roosters, chickens, fire trucks, monster trucks and plastic army men.


But for reals, I’m for serious.

Do you understand now? HA!

Every year for the past…I’d say, 10 years, my dad and I have bought several mobile ground fireworks and held a “war” on July 4th. Of course, my mom is never too happy about converting her dining room table into a mock battlefield—but she’s a good sport.

Back in the day, I’d buy several of the turtle fireworks and my dad would buy the tanks. It was simply an all turtle vs all tank battle. UN-FRIGGEN-FORTUNATELY, the effin’ Turtle fireworks cost¬† seven effin’ dollars for only two of those mother-effers, while ten tanks only cost five bucks. So throughout the years we’ve had to improvise, which is where the chickens and other trucks came in. Oh, and the turtles are now allies with certain tanks. Shit happens.

Here are some photos from past “wars”.

Yeaaah, we have fun.

Have a happy and safe 4th!!!!


  1. That is beyond awesome, it’s bewsome! (thank you Rhino)
    My family isn’t too much into tradition. Hell after age 8 birthdays where kind of dropped. Philly would have block parties, that where a big thing. Didn’t do crap in Virginia. Wondering what to do my first 4th in Seattle, but stayed awake till 4:30 AM playing the D&D board game Conquest of Nerath, so I might be out early tonight.

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