I, uh, assume this is what it’ll look like.

ARE YOU READY FOR A MIND-BLOWING FACT ABOUT ME!? I don’t eat salad. In fact, I’ve never ordered a salad in my life, nor have I consumed one. I will say during rare, strange (aka drunken) moments or during moments of complete and utter starvation I’ve munched on a leaf or two, but that’s it, and every time I get grossed out and terminate consumption.

For the longest time my dear friend Tara has implored me try salad. I haven’t budged. (I mean, I think salad is pointless. Like, if I wanted greens I’d go find a strip of someone’s lawn to consume.) But one day Tara told me about a thing called a Hot Wings Salad. We’ve often joked about the day she would prepare one for me, but it’s never come to actual fruition.

Until now.

On Wednesday around 7:30 PM, I, Brittney Brombacher, will consume my first salad. It will be a Hot Wings salad, and it will be prepared by Tara. To prepare for this colossal moment I plan on, uh, “starving” myself hours in advance (…what?) so when the clock strikes 7:30 I will have an appetite like none other.

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