SALAD: MY LIFE IS ABOUT TO CHANGE FOREVER

salad

I, uh, assume this is what it’ll look like.

ARE YOU READY FOR A MIND-BLOWING FACT ABOUT ME!? I don’t eat salad. In fact, I’ve never ordered a salad in my life, nor have I consumed one. I will say during rare, strange (aka drunken) moments or during moments of complete and utter starvation I’ve munched on a leaf or two, but that’s it, and every time I get grossed out and terminate consumption.

For the longest time my dear friend Tara has implored me try salad. I haven’t budged. (I mean, I think salad is pointless. Like, if I wanted greens I’d go find a strip of someone’s lawn to consume.) But one day Tara told me about a thing called a Hot Wings Salad. We’ve often joked about the day she would prepare one for me, but it’s never come to actual fruition.

Until now.

On Wednesday around 7:30 PM, I, Brittney Brombacher, will consume my first salad. It will be a Hot Wings salad, and it will be prepared by Tara. To prepare for this colossal moment I plan on, uh, “starving” myself hours in advance (…what?) so when the clock strikes 7:30 I will have an appetite like none other.

  • Michael

    The Final Countdown :p

    Very random and funny post, I literally lol’d

    • britt5091

      Bahahaha — thanks! ;D

  • Boots_33

    I like an good salad. The key is finding the right dressing and plenty of cherry tomatoes. :)

    • britt5091

      BUT I DON’T LIKE TOMATOES.

  • Joshua Weikel

    How is that even possible? I don’t eat salad either, but I’ve eaten plenty of salad. Drench it in thousand island dressing, add some croutons, and it’s actually not half bad.

    There are literally millions of ways to build a salad…you just need to find one that you don’t mind eating.

    • britt5091

      BUT I DON’T LIKE VEGETABLES.

  • brombacherje

    Are you seriously saying to me that your fat fuck cousin eats healthier than you?

    • britt5091

      BAHAHAHAHAHA. YES I AM.

  • Evan.and

    What about taco salad? Surely that doesn’t count since it has beef and beans and cheesy goodness to make up for the lettuce.. right?

    • britt5091

      Oh. Hmm. I don’t think I’ve ever ordered a taco salad purely based on the name.

  • Deidre Loiselle-Root

    Bwhaha still seeking revenge on those hot wing chickens I see? x)