I, uh, assume this is what it’ll look like.

ARE YOU READY FOR A MIND-BLOWING FACT ABOUT ME!? I don’t eat salad. In fact, I’ve never ordered a salad in my life, nor have I consumed one. I will say during rare, strange (aka drunken) moments or during moments of complete and utter starvation I’ve munched on a leaf or two, but that’s it, and every time I get grossed out and terminate consumption.

For the longest time my dear friend Tara has implored me try salad. I haven’t budged. (I mean, I think salad is pointless. Like, if I wanted greens I’d go find a strip of someone’s lawn to consume.) But one day Tara told me about a thing called a Hot Wings Salad. We’ve often joked about the day she would prepare one for me, but it’s never come to actual fruition.

Until now.

On Wednesday around 7:30 PM, I, Brittney Brombacher, will consume my first salad. It will be a Hot Wings salad, and it will be prepared by Tara. To prepare for this colossal moment I plan on, uh, “starving” myself hours in advance (…what?) so when the clock strikes 7:30 I will have an appetite like none other.


  1. How is that even possible? I don’t eat salad either, but I’ve eaten plenty of salad. Drench it in thousand island dressing, add some croutons, and it’s actually not half bad.

    There are literally millions of ways to build a salad…you just need to find one that you don’t mind eating.

  2. What about taco salad? Surely that doesn’t count since it has beef and beans and cheesy goodness to make up for the lettuce.. right?

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