September 24th, 2024: the final recording of What’s Good Games. MAN what an emotional rollercoaster that evening was – we laughed, partook in the consumption of spirits, technology went tits-up, I think I donned the Bob Ross afro at one point…yes, it was the most WGG/on-brand way to wrap our incredible seven year run. I’ll always be so proud of the roads we paved, the barriers we obliterated and, most of all, that we were able to make people smile despite, well, you know. I mean, 2017-2024 had its highlights, but DAMN.
The morning after the final show I was heading home on an airplane, shoveling glorious sodium bombs disguised as olives into my mouth, when I realized something: WGG was over, but I, uh, had no idea what I was gonna do next. Sure, people had asked dozens of times leading up to the finale, and, sure, I had given boiler-ass-plate responses like, “I still wanna do stuff in games!” “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere!” But the truth was I hadn’t given it a lot of thought. I had tried, but…you know the meme of Homer Simpson’s mind being nothing but a monkey banging cymbals together? Blame being a new-ish mom, blame burnout, blame whatever, but I couldn’t come up with answers. Did I still wanna make content? What made my creative juices flow? And how could I turn that into something that let me hit the ground running? What if I – <aaaaand cue monkey banging cymbals.>
Months passed and I hemmed and hawed and bumbled around with half-assed ideas. But soon it was time to, as my old man says, “shit or get off the pot” because Summer Game Fest 2025 was right around the corner, and I wanted – no, needed – to land an invite, but this time, with my solo creds. So I knew I had to metaphorically, uh, shit, so I wouldn’t have to…get off the pot? jfc who came up with that phrase? ANYWAY to ensure I had recent-ish credentials to submit to SGF I started reviewing games again, which was fine, but I knew it wouldn’t be sustainable. For one, my free time was very limited and reviewing games requires loOoOOots of time, and two, the thought of reviewing games didn’t excite me, you know? It wasn’t a new or shiny idea and it wasn’t the creative THING I was craving. But hey, it worked!
Fast forward to June 2nd, 2025, just two days before I’m supposed to fly to Summer Game Fest. My suitcase was ready to go (and definitely over the weight limit), my gear was all set, dinners and happy hours were scheduled with friends and, of course, I had buttloads of appointments booked with some of my faves in the industry. (Including, unbeknownst to me, a then-unannounced Resident Evil: Requiem.) Yes, my ducks were, as the wise ones say, “in order.” Or is it “in a row”? What I’m trying to say is the waterfowls were primed and ready to go.
Anyway, that evening Jayson and I were last in a long line of vehicles stopped at a red light. One moment we were chillin’ talking about life, liberties and the pursuit of happiness (lies I don’t remember wtf we were talking about) and the next there was a loud crash, a violent jolt and it felt like Captain Falcon materialized and Falcon Punched the shit out of my face. We had been hit – a car going 55-60mph slammed into us from behind *eyebrow waggle* THATSWHATSHESAID (I have to laugh or I’ll cry) ultimately totaling three (3!) cars in the process. Thankfully, everyone was okay in the sense that we were entities that were still breathing, and THANK <insert god of choice here> our kid was not with us because his car seat padding literally detached from the base.
Not an ideal situation to happen at any time, but especially the week of Summer Game Fest. Like, REALLY? C’MON. But even as I sat in the emergency room with blood steadily running down my face I was determined to get to LA. I mean, dang, I had worked my ass off for this very freakin’ week and *violently shakes fist* I wasn’t gonna let a few bumps and bruises stop me!
……
Looking back I recognize how comical it must’ve been: there I was, concussed to hell and back, my body feeling like it was a VERY LARGE NUMBER years old, not to mention the left side of my face was cut, swollen and colorful (thanks bruises!) so I looked like a nut-hoarding chipmunk who fought a paint tray and lost. And mentally I was an even bigger mess. What if my kid had been in the car? What if Jayson or I had been KO’d? What if the other drivers had been seriously injured? WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF
Eventually I had to come back down to Earth (or whatever freakin’ planet I was on at the time), feebly wave my white flag and, as soul-crushing as it was, admit to myself that I wasn’t making it to SGF. I emailed my contacts, had a cute lil’ mental breakdown and watched the festivities from home. And yes, the reveal of Resident Evil: Requiem and the new Stranger than Heaven trailer soothed my soul.
It took about a week after the accident for me to really grasp how much this had – and would continue to – affect me. If I had little free time before, it was now nonexistent, as any semblance of downtime was immediately roundhouse kicked into the void thanks to *gestures widely* all of the things that occur after an accident like ours. But more than that, my priorities dramatically shifted. While I still found immense comfort in video games – shout-out to Coral Island and Fields of Mistria for being ABSOLUTE godsends – my motivation to hop online and talk about any video game in any form took a nosedive. I stopped taking review requests, declined preview events, limited my time on social media and hunkered down.
As the months passed and I took more time to, y’know, stop and smell the flowers, I began to realize I had been taking this content creation a little too seriously. I had been marching to a self-sabotaging “always gotta hustle always gotta be online always gotta go go go” beat and, surprise surprise, I burned myself TF out. Like, I was a charred piece of crispy charcoal fearing the moment a fart cloud would waft too close and tragically turn me into dust. Somewhere along the way I’d lost the plot. This – creating around video games – is supposed to be fun. Hard work at times, yeah, but fun. That’s why I started down this path in 2009, isn’t it? So what changed? Why did this happen?
I started asking myself difficult questions. Which, sure, I had done before, but this time I always followed up with “Why?” Why does writing about video games bring me fulfillment? Why are those reasons important to me? Why do I put so much pressure on myself? Why are those reasons worth harming my mental? (They weren’t!) Whenever I would grill myself on on this I was actually chipping away at the weird “toxic hustle crust” (ew) that had compacted and dimmed my creative spark over the years.
After months of serious soul-searching I finally cracked that bitch open. And you know what I found? Well, I wish I could say something profound like the answer to, like, the universe or something, but the reality is I just simply remembered why I started creating in the first place: because it brings me joy in a way nothing else does. I don’t need to understand the brain chemistry of it all, but what I do know is I love writing. I love being passionate about this industry. The friends I’ve met here are irreplaceable. The opportunities have been once-in-a-lifetime. And all of these things came to be simply because one day in 2009 I whipped out my laptop and began writing for no other reason than it made me feel good.
I know blogging isn’t as popular as short-form videos or podcasting – especially with our mouse-turd sized attention spans – but I’ve always found it therapeutic, and I’m making a conscious effort to do what works for me. I don’t plan on writing huge ass self-reflective novels like this often, I’m actually way more excited to tell y’all about my Ocarina of Time remake wet dreams (oh my god is it finally happening??!!!), so if you made it this far, THANK YOU! If not, well, I guess you wouldn’t see this anyway soooooooo.
THANKS AGAIN FRIENDS <3