What’s Your Boss Strategy?

zelda boss battle'YES! God, YES. Let’s talk about this for a minute, shall we?

First, this doesn’t apply to only Zelda games. Whenever a boss battle starts I ALWAYS assume the defensive position, which generally consists of running around like an erratic chicken in motions that can barely be described as circles. I mean, shit, nine times out of ten it’s NEVER going to be as simple as whacking the boss. Oh no. First, you’ll likely have to dodge a billion and a half tentacles or missiles or SOMETHING. Then the sweet spot, the holy grail, the area in which you thrust your sword or magical powers, will be revealed. Generally it’s an eye, head, hell, sometimes it’s the ass. And it’s not like the boss is just gonna let you waltz up to to and poke its butt, either. YOU MUST LEARN PATTERNS! YOU MUST LEARN HOW TO EVADE ITS ATTACKS!  So, why subject yourself to taking unnecessary damage when you can observe it whilst being safe and, erm, running in circles? Walking up to a boss and attempting to whack it is like walking up to a stranger and screaming “BUTTSEX!” because it worked on your best friend.

Okay. That was a terrible analogy.

What’s your typical strategy for boss fights?



  1. I try to find a pillar or a statue or other piece of scenery, and hide behind it while finagling the camera to look around the corner. :D

  2. The problem with the pie chart is that it assumes running around in circles isn’t a strategically devised plan of action. It works in virtually every game against virtually every boss, who needs anything else? It even works in Dark Souls!

  3. i tend to play as weaker classes especially in things like diablo, they provide more of a challenge. so they can’t stand toe-to-toe and tank (although – my wizard in diablo 3 has such a skill build that allows him to tank as a wizard lol)

    But malthael in diablo 3 reaper of souls ….. wow….. he’s hard boss.
    And some of the torment level elites and specials are pretty tough too.

    But generally i run around, not entirely in circles, but so i can get my ranged attacks in and stun then get up close and go to town. (barrier blades and frost armor) :)

  4. Sadly enough I think nowadays the number 1 “Strategy” “Gamers” use to beat a boss is Google(grrrrrrrr). Personally I will stand and be true no matter how many times it takes me. Even at the cost of my own sanity or the destruction of the controller in my hand)

  5. If your my sister, you call your older brother to come in and beat half of it and once you got the pattern down you insist on taking the controller. Only now he is too into it and uses his being bigger than you to sort of shoulder block you from the controller while continuing to play. You pout and after the boss fight he gives you the controller back and you continue to play as normal. Rinse and repeat
    If your me the Older Brother…yeah run around in circles until you have figured out how to win acting like you know what your doing the entire time. But usually I had played the game before my sister and had already figured everything out…I got to pretend I knew it all! The good old days in a nutshell.

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