The Chickens Got Their Revenge

Dear hot wings,

Why did you feel the need to hurt me?

I think you misunderstand our relationship. I consume you because I want you to have an existence, and — …What? What’s that? You say you don’t understand my logic? Well, dear chickens, if it wasn’t for my constant eating of hot wings you would not be in high demand, therefore the world would not have a use for your kind. So, you can thank me for what little short-lived existence you have.

But now you’ve tainted our relationship. And you see, this puts me in a tough position. If I terminate the consumption of your brethren I will no longer give my taste buds the euphoria they deserve. However, if I continue to devour you, your well-being will continue its plagued existence and your kin will continue to see the light of day.


Fuck it. I’m going to GameWorks tonight and eating the shit out of you, your mother, your father and your cousins. AND I WILL LAUGH MANICALLY WHILE I DO SO.



  1. Damn that sauce’s aim game is on point. That must have really sucked :( But alas, your plan for revenge will make them rue the day they tried to blind you! Just don’t forget about the brothers and sisters too.

  2. I laughed. I cried. I laughed some more. But I know this pain, and it is exquisite. You bore that hurt well, Brombacher. Bravo.

  3. Do you REALIZE how many Taco Bell fire sauce packets it takes to equal the intensity of free-range slaughtered chicken wing sauce!? Must be payback for Buffalo Wild Wings stealing most of the profit off of them gooped up winged bastards.

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