I mean, think about it — Princess Peach (oh, yeah, now her name TOTALLY makes sense) is always getting kidnapped and I feel that she never, like, puts up a fight to prevent said kidnapping. AND NOW WE KNOW WHY. Because she’s banging some hair chested man named Joe on the side.
Also, I have no idea why I named this man Joe. He just looks average, like a Joe if you will (and you will).