Portal 2

Here I am,  again temporarily putting down a game in lieu of another. First I put down inFAMOUS 2 for Panzer Dragoon Saga, and now it’s Panzer Dragoon Saga for Portal 2. Thankfully Portal 2 will only take a day and a half to beat…although I may try to go for the gusto tonight!

What do I think is going to happen in Portal 2? I think it’s going to look purdier. GLaDOS will be back. I will create portals with a Portal Gun and leap through things. It will be amazing and I will laugh. Afterwards, I will cry. Why? Because it seems fitting.

But seriously I have no idea what’s in store with Portal 2. I assume I’ll be the same chick at another training facility. Just give me companion cubes and adorable turrets.

July 30th, 2011: Ohai, GLaDOS!

I wish I knew why I waited a week before writing up a game log, ‘cuz it really makes things kind of inconvenient. While I like to think I have a fantastic memory and all, it’s hard to recall events that happened so long ago. To recall those raw, true emotions…

Fuck it. Enough stalling. So last Thursday night I dove into Portal 2, and I laughed a LOT. I mean, cackling. We’re talking about putting-the-controller-down-for-at-least-30-seconds-maniacal-laughter.

Also, let me introduce you to one of the more recent inductees to Britt’s Favorite Characters of All Time:

Wheatley, why are you so awesome and funny?

Again, I am a loony fool when I play this game. “Apple. Say APPLE. Okay, you just jumped…”

I didn’t proceed too far into the game, but there was a moment when I was carrying good ol’ Wheatley around thinking, “You know, there is no way they could kill this dude off. He’s too awesome!”

…not even five minutes later GLaDOS was reactivated and Wheatley was crushed and tossed away from me.

FOREVER ALONE.

While I’m upset I don’t get to hear Wheatley’s banter (for the time being?), it is good times to listen to GLaDOS again and how she still hasn’t forgiven me for “murdering” her all those years ago. Teehee.

September 7th, 2011: Yeaaaah. So this isn’t happening.

“Attention class: if you have sucked at keeping an updated game log, please raise your hand.”

::raises hand::

Oh man. Writing a Portal 2 log is kind of rough. I mean, it’s like “OHAI EVERYONE TODAY I MADE IT THROUGH TEST CHAMBERS 18-21 AND I GOT REALLY FRUSTRATED!” Does that suffice for the past month? Cuz that’s pretty much what’s been happening between Portal 2 and I. Guys, I’m having a rough time with this one. I can’t get into it. I thought I was near completion of the game after I approached the free roam area and came into contact with GLaDOS (which fueled a second wind) BUT as it turns out I’m only, what, halfway done with the game? Does that sound right? That’s what I’ve been told, anyway.

BLAAAAH.

So, I guess I can talk about how pissed off I am at Wheately. That bastard. He’s all bad and stuff now. Also, GLaDOS is a potato. And that effin’ makes me laugh very, very hard.

Uh…one of the major twists of the game has been spoiled for me already thanks to someone who posted it on my Facebook wall, so that kind of sucks.

MAN. Again, I can’t get into it! Portal 2 is not a bad game, not at all. I’m just not invested in the story, and I expected a quick “wham bam thank you ma’am” kind of experience like I got with the original Portal when I started. So, all there is to say that I’m going to have to grit my teeth and bear it. BEAR IT. Bare? BEAR? Bayer?

Yeaaaaah. That’s enough.

September 8th, 2011: PROGRESS!!!

Folks, I think we’re getting somewhere. Or, I should say I’m getting somewhere. It sounds like the majority of you have already pwn’d Portal 2, but alas…

I don’t know if it was the Easy Mac I ate for dinner (dinner of champions, baby!) but last night I was in a Portal mood, which is odd considering two days ago I was bitching about how I couldn’t get into the game, the story, etc. But I found myself able to concentrate on the puzzles and actually enjoy them.

A big part in that is probably thanks to the change of scenery. I made it to the “retro” Aperture Science campus and testing chambers, which I found to be more enjoyable than the super high-tech chambers GLaDOS put me through earlier in the game. Speaking of GLaDOS, I like her in potato form and the quotes that come from said form. There’s just something hilarious about a monotone computerized voice coming out of a potato. Also, GLaDOS is totally the woman who is that doctor’s assistant (I can’t remember their freakin’ names)— and I know this not because I’m super duper smart—but because someone posted the spoiler on my Facebook wall. I also know the relationship between Chell and GLaDOS due to said spoiler, but I will act surprised when I find out. I promise.

Something that irks me about Portal 2 is that I have NO idea where I am relative to the story. What stage am I in? What chapter? Is there somewhere on the pause screen that tells you where the fuck you are? BECAUSE I CAN’T FIND IT. However I have to assume I’m getting somewhat close to the end, seeing as the big “revelation” is about to occur.

Maybe I’ll finish it this weekend. Oh, and if you just experienced déjà vu, it’s because I’ve said that every weekend for the past month or so.

September 11th, 2011: FINALLY!

I FINALLY FINISHED PORTAL 2!!!!

Man. Oh. Man. That took way longer than expected, didn’t it? Wooooow.

Thankfully I had a lot of NOTHING to do today, so I decided to plop down with the good ol’ PS3 controller with Portal 2 at my side. Actually, Portal 2 was in my PS3 and on my television, but you get it. Anyway, the first few puzzles I did on my own, but after that it became clear to me that I would need some assistance, for my brain was not in the mood to think and I was too damn lazy to force it to. So I pulled out my laptop, plopped it in front of me and used a YouTube video for assistance every time the solution to a puzzle wasn’t obvious.

AND IT WORKED.

Now, this is going to sound really dumb considering I’m writing about a PORTAL game, but holy hell there were waaaaaay too many puzzles! Yes, I get it—it’s a game where you must strategically find your way out of testing chambers utilizing nothing more than a gun that shoots portals out of it–so uhhh I should have expected many a’ puzzles. Hey, guess what? I’m not the hugest fan of puzzle games.

That being said, I liked the free-roam “puzzles” more than the actual testing chambers (probably because they were easy and didn’t require me to think as much). I also enjoyed the environment of Portal 2. It’s packed to the effin’ brim with details, and I can’t begin to tell you how much fun I had wandering around the abandoned offices scoping out every room, portrait, sign, etc.

I think my interest was also held because Portal 2 had more story; we learned a lot about the early years of Aperture Science and the people behind it. Something I was expecting–that didn’t happen–was the confirmation that Chell was Carolyn’s daughter. I mean, there’s evidence she is, but I don’t give enough of a shit to read through all of it. I’m assuming it will all be confirmed in Portal 3. CALLING IT NOW.

Also, Wheatley is a douche-core. He used me like a cheap hooker. I thought he was sincere about his feelings towards me, but every word he spoke was empty, his emotions were null. My heart is broken.

Ahem.

Did I enjoy the game? For the most part, yes. When I was in my Portal “moods” on certain nights I breezed by most of the puzzles and made significant process. But when I wasn’t (which ended up being 75% of time time) it was like pulling teeth. Had I gone into Portal knowing that it was a billion times longer than the original, however, I probably would have appreciated it more instead of bitching about how looooong it was.

BEE-TEE-DUB, many of you have told me that you finished this game in one sitting. ONE. SITTING. How the EFF do you do that without your brain melting?

But now I will leave you with, by far, the best part of Portal 2.