It had been a good while since I’d played Bayonetta, and I missed that crazy witch. (Seriously, I don’t know how anyone can NOT like her! She’s so charming in her own sexy, twisted way. I would bear her children if it were possible.) However, I soon found out that I had forgotten most of the combos, and even though I had that loading screen to remind me it wasn’t enough. So when I started getting my ass handed to me in the middle of Chapter Two I naturally blamed my airheadedness.
But then the combos came back to me, and yet I was still getting my butt beat. BAD. Like, Platinum Games came over and said, “Here Britt, take this silver platter with your ass on it.” And it wasn’t like I was being challenged in a good way. I was being challenged in a holy-hell-are-you-seriously-expecting-me-to-get-through-this kind of way. It was bordering controller throwage.
After several more failed attempts I reluctantly took the difficulty down a notch to Easy. This stung for two reasons: 1) I just watched my friend Jayson defeat Ninja Gaiden 2 on the hardest difficulty, and since we sorta-kinda have this competitive thing going on, I felt like I should be able to at least handle Bayonetta’s Normal. HOWEVER, I need to keep reminding myself that I’m not an freak of nature like he is, and that this is honestly the first action/adventure combo-reliant game I’ve really ever sat down with. 2) WHO WANTS TO PLAY A GAME ON EASY DIFFICULTY? The only way one gets better is to challenge oneself, amirite? 3) My ego. OH GOD, MY EGO. (LEGGO MY EGGO!)
After I finished being butthurt, I started over Chapter Two on Easy. I figured that, hey, the challenge would be lessened a bit, but not by a substantial amount.
Guys, the game is now too freakin’ easy! I don’t need to worry about dodging OR remembering combos anymore. All I need to do is button mash and the battles are practically over before they even started—which is not what I was looking for. I still want a taste of the challenge from Normal difficulty, but I want to um…WIN from time to time. So needless to say, I feel as if there isn’t a happy medium between Easy and Normal mode.
But now I must ask myself this: what mode do I continue to play in?
I struggled with this for a minute until I remembered Batman: Arkham City releases in two weeks. Now, you may find yourself wondering what the heck that has to do with anything. My friends—let me tell you—it has everything to do with everything. You see, if I were to continue playing Bayonetta on Normal difficulty, one of two things would happen: 1) I’d become so frustrated from dying all of the time I’d give up and never play it again, and if I have an unfinished game it’s EXTREMELY hard for me to start up a new one. 2) If I were to remain persistent and pursue Bayonetta, my guess is that it would take me roughly 27.632 years to complete it. By that time, I’ll be 50-years-old and too depressed to gaze upon Bayonetta’s unrealistically sexy body, which might lead me to receive plastic surgery and leg extensions.
Neither of those outcomes are bueno, and because I want nothing more at this point than to experience (read: finish) Bayonetta so I can smoothly transition over to Arkham City when the time comes, I have decided to finish the game in Easy mode. Which is what it is. I actually asked folks on Twitter if they had a rough time with the game, and it sounds like most did, and some never finished because it was so tough!
…But damn. If I’m not using guides for Portal 2, I’m lowering the difficulty in Bayonetta. Can I even call myself a gamer now?