I Popped My Ninja Gaiden Cherry

Oh man. Mondays suck so hard.

BUT a silver lining to said Monday is that I can tell you aaaalll about a cherry of mine I popped over the weekend. My friends, for the first time EVAR I played Ninja Gaidenspecifically, Ninja Gaiden II.

Its not like Ive been avoiding the series my entire lifeactuuuaaally.

I take that back. Maybe I have been avoiding the series. Five things come to mind when I think of Ninja Gaiden: Awesome hack-and-slashery, blood, guts, dismembered limbs, and boobs. I assume boobs are in there somewhere. Anyway, none of the aforementioned things are bad (especially the part about boobs) but I tend to get bored rather quickly with hack-and-slash games. To me, it’s all the same: Same moves, same button mashing, but different settings. Yawn.

But this weekend I sat down and watched a friend play Ninja Gaiden. He had the difficulty set to the highest possible and from which came many frustrating deaths, but nevertheless I found myself interested in what Ninja Gaiden had to offer. There was much to explore, treasures to be found, many moves to master, and although far from open-world, I never once felt like he was being forcibly ushered in a certain direction. PlusRyu is a sexy ninja.


I even went hands on with Mr. Sexy Ninja for a few minutes. I dont have the patience to memorize epic button sequences, but I am rather good at button mashing, so I got off on destroying a few of the reptilian-esque looking baddies that were trying to kill me for some unknown reason. (Spoilers: they eventually destroyed me.)

And thats just it– if I could get into whatever story Ninja Gaiden offer (and, for example, learn what those reptilian-esque looking fuckers really are) Im willing to bet I could really get into the game. And you know what? The challenge the game presents is big turn on. Who doesnt like getting tossed around every now and then, amirite? Of course, being tossed around equates to feeling nerd rage so intense that you throw your controller across the room and out a window, but hey.

If youve been following my blog, you and I both know itd be ludicrous to think I could fit another game into my backlog at the moment. So as much as it pains me to say this, the chance that Ryu will see the little slot of my console (in the near future) is rather slim.

you know you totally chuckled at that. No? Okay maybe Im the only pervert around here.

Ahem. Anyway.

So uh…any Ninja Gaiden players reading this? And have I made you feel awkward yet?


  1. DO NOT BUTTON MASH. Seriously. Ninja Gaiden is more about rhythm and timing than it is blunt force. You might be able to get through God of War that way but Ninja Gaiden will chew you up and spit out back out if you mash.

    Also, should have played Sigma before II. Sigma is a vastly superior game, imo. The enemy AI is better and actually fun to fight. In II everyone ends up just shooting at you… and that’s not all that fun at all.

    • Interesting. I was wondering what the difference between Sigma and II was. I think if I ever take the time to purchase my own copy and play it, I’ll go with that! Thanks! :)

  2. Like Hayden said, it is about rhythm and timing, not just pounding on the controller. Draw whatever innuendo you like from that. ;)

    I love the Ninja Gaiden games. No, I’ve never beat any of them, but I absolutely love playing them just the same. It is one of the best series ever and the difficulty level only just adds to it.

    • HAHAHA. I laughed at that too. Anyway, it’s interesting you haven’t finished any. Just like to go back for a good beating, eh?

      • Well, yes, but I like games that are hard too. :P

        I’ve made several attempts to beat the original for NES as it is one of my all-time favorite games, but I can never seem to finish it off. The fact that you can’t save the game and come back to it later has something to do with that. I’ve started the original for the X-Box, but as you may have heard, it’s really damn hard. See Penny Arcade’s thoughts here: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/3/8/

        When I got my 360, Ninja Gaiden 2 was the first game I bought and it distracted me from the original. Now I am mid-way through both with no time for either. :(

  3. You probably did make several male readers feel awkward, but more likely in an 8th grade gym class, “Oh my god what is happening to my body” kind of way.

  4. oh jesus the ninja gaiden cherry always sprays alot of blood when popped ;P
    I loved Ninja Gaiden, I played the first game like a fiend (ninja gaiden pun anyone). the art direction, the smooth fighter game like controls and the difficulty are all a thing of refined beauty. The story certainly isn’t, it gets you to where you need to go as far as badass cinematics and to the next group of badies who need to be chopped into a messy pile of limbs. I haven’t played the sigma version, but seeing as it is an improvement I would seem like some sort of ravenous delusional fan boy to tell you to get the original.

    Ninja Gaiden 2 got me closer to insanity than I ever dreamed possible. This game was stupid hard, emphasis on the stupid unlike the first game where I felt like enemies would sometimes legimately kick the ever living piss out of me in 2 I found myself calling my opponents cheaters. To put it simply: I still own Ninja Gaiden 1, I do not own Ninja Gaiden 2.

    In summation: Let Ryu into your Woman cave…also don’t button mash

  5. If you want to be slapped around, just place the *original* Ninja Gaiden in one of your NES systems.

    The game is legendary for being uncompromisingly difficult. In fact, if you die enough, you will be unceremoniously dumped right back at the beginning of the game…

    I beat it with the help of Nintendo Power, about 4 destroyed controllers (I was 11, don’t judge me! :P), and the tattered remains of my sanity hanging by the slimmest of threads.

    The PS3/360 remakes aren’t as bad of course. But they can still get frustrating on the higher difficulties as I’m sure you’ve noticed.

    That said, if you’re really wanting to be abused, the original is the only way to truly feel pain. :P

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