Halo: Combat Evolved

February 15th, 2012: Why the Fuck Not?

Hi Guys. Guess what? I’ve never finished a Halo game. EVER. For some, that may be shocking. Others may be thinking, “So what? Neither have I!” Well, in any case, I’m now in the middle of a prolonged Halo marathon in which my ultimate goal is to finish every Halo game (as you can tell, I’m only midway through Combat Evolved, so I have a ways to go!) and seeing as I haven’t played a game without creating a log for it since 2011, I figure I might as well give this a shot.

So, what is there to say about Halo: Combat Evolved?

It’s definitely one of those games I don’t think I could play by myself—I need the co-op gameplay in order to stick with it. Unlike other FPS like Call of Duty—which is a HOLY–BALLS ACTION TO YOUR FAAAACE BOOMBOOM BANG EXPLOSIONSSSSS crammed into a short, doable six hour campaign—Halo’s campaign is longer (or at least it seems that way) and has more breaks in action. The story doesn’t seem to be as dramatic and over-the-top (which is why I’m able to stick with FPS like CoD and MoH) soooo…I need someone to, like, talk with during Halo and someone I can just kill at will during one of those “breaks in action”.

But there is something extremely satisfying about playing an old-school FPS shooter like Halo. It’s just FUN. Killing grunts, picking up weapons, the shields, the med packs, the terrible Warthog controls…all of it! Hell, I even get more pleasure than I should out of listening to Master Chief’s footsteps.

I’m also excited to familiarize myself with Halo’s story. I now have a feel of who these staple characters are and what Halo actually is. Well, kind of. It’s a little hard to follow the story when you’re constantly teabagging and trying to kill your co-op partner. Translation: After finishing Halo: CE I will stalk the Wikipedia until I learn myself of everything that happened.

As far as the story goes: I’m supposed to stop Captain Keyes from doing something. Like, going after Halo? Shit. SEE?! I can’t remember anything!!!

February 20th, 2012: Cap’n Keye’s Head is a Butt.

Bring out the confetti, folks! For the first time in my entire 23 year existence I have finished a Halo game!

Weeeeeeeeee!

I think Halo: CE is the most enjoyable FPS I’ve played EVAR. It’s different than most (if not all!) super serial realistic military FPS and I think I’m able to enjoy it more because of that. It’s kind of a funny game; you have the pansy-ass grunts running around like madmen when the elites aren’t around, you have the interaction between Cortana and Master Chief and, then, you have Captain Keye’s odd-ass Flood form in which his face is his asshole. That’s always funny.

Speaking of, I found the most interesting twist was The Flood itself. After all, you know me and my obsession with parasitic infestations. Also, the Combat forms reminded me of  the lovechild between the Tyrant and a necromorph. But mostly a necromorph.

I’m not sure how The Flood were released, other than by the Covenant, or what their purpose was (other than to, you know, infect all living things with their nastiness) but I hope they play more of a role in the following Halo titles. It would make sense—after all, Halo was designed to destroy  all “sentient” life in the galaxy (which The Flood needs to ah-ah-ah-ah stay alive, stay alive, ah-ah-ah-ah…) aaaand we sorta-kinda destroyed Halo. Sooo…yeah.

And now that I have finished Halo: Combat Evolved (for those of you asking, I was playing the original, not the anniversary edition) I will venture to Wikipedia in an attempt to understand WTF I just did; what planet I saved, what people I destroyed, etc.

…reading Wiki…

…reading Wiki…

…reading Wiki…

Oh. Well that’s interesting.

I just read a bunch of back story (I already had an idea of what happens on Reach…) and for a split second the entire story leading up to Halo: CE made perfect sense in my head, but now I lost it. This must mean I will have to play the other Halo games in order to understand. And by “understand” I mean I will play the game and then study Wikipedia as I just did with Halo: CE.

I must admit, I’m VERY excited to start up Halo 2. Halo’s story–so far, at least–is far more interesting and has more depth than I ever imagined it would.

On a final note…343 Guilty Spark is totally Wheatley’s cousin.

Wheatley…you bastard…I’ll never forget what you did to me! Enjoy space, you bastard!!! ::shakes fist::