I want to wish all of ya’ll a happy Easter! For those of you with spawn, I hope you guys have lots of fun gathering Easter eggs and whatnot. Me? What will I be doing? (Because I know you want to ask) I will be sulking around, reaping the unfortunate benefits of being an adult on a holiday geared towards small children.

….PSSSSSSSSH. Eff that noise! I will be dying Easter eggs up the BUTT.  Ahem. Let me rephrase that– I  have no plans on dying any eggs of any sorta via my butt. However I will be using cups and at-home egg dying kits.

Also (AND THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING PART) I will be partaking in this:

Ladies only field? C'MON.

 Here’s a confession: I LOVE Easter egg hunts. LOVE. THEM. It’s almost like having hundreds of packs of Pokémon cards in a field: you never know what you’re going to find inside each pack/egg. IT’S SO THRILLING. (Yes, I know I’m easily amused.)

Easter also triggers a traumatizing memory. You see, I frequented Easter egg hunts with my family. One year in particular I was out scavenging the fields (along with a million other tiny spawn) and my dad was observing whilst leaning against a tree — he had been leaning against this tree for about ten minutes – when all of a sudden this little grubby boy reached right past my daddio and pulled out the MOTHERFUCKING GOLDEN EGG from a knothole within in said tree. That little grubby kid-bastard walked out of that egg hunt with a brand new bicycle.

My father: the unobservant.

Ahem. Now that I’ve released those demons…

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!!! <3


  1. We use to have egg hunts at work, but in an effort to keep it from being considered a religious thing (WTF, right?) we had to make it as non-Easter as possible. Our solution? Huevo Hunt that we held on Cinco de Mayo, followed by drinking and taco bar. The sad part was not enough people were in to it so we aren’t doing it again this year. Stupid grown ups.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.