Hey guys! My buddy Tony (AKA Boots) is popping his Dragon Age: Origins cherry and has graciously volunteered to keep a guest game log. This will work similar to the logs I keep, but you know I need to add in my own snarky remarks in red ;)
Boots’ Guest Game Log #3: – Dragon Age: Origins
I’ve been playing a number of games lately, but it’s been difficult to put that Dragon Age: Origins disc back into the Xbox. RPGs are always a tough start for me, mostly because of inventory management. I. Hate. Inventory. Management. But I knew I had to get back into the world and defeat this blight, so after a little bit of preparation, I sat down with a buffalo sauce-flavored snack and returned to Ostagar.
[You were dead to me until you mentioned something about buffalo sauce. Nice save, Tony.]
[Not enough sauce. If this was my plate of noms, the entire thing would be red with Frank’s. Just saying, you’re a pansy. Then again I’m the one with a hurt bunghole.]
I explored the Grey Warden camp throughly, taking any available treasure I could get my grubby little dwarven hands on and talking with anyone who’d listen. I ran into a group from the Chantry as they whipped up some mystical mumbo-jumbo and met a man caring for a pen full of dogs, one of which needed a flower for medicine. Eventually, I made my way to the man of the hour, Alistair.
Now, as all you Blondenerd readers know, it’s tough to say this digital man’s name without tripping over Britt’s ladyboner. Once I stepped over that obstacle, I initiated a conversation with the man.
[::gets even more excited::]
First impression: Holy crap, what a dingus.
Right off the bat, he gets snippy with some dude for no other reason than him being a mage. Of course, I came to find out that he was once a Templar, trained to essentially police the actions of all Magi. In other words, he’s borderline racist. Awesome. I can see that this guy might not be my best friend in the future.
[Oh, Tony. Oh Boots. Oh my dear friend. I…I don’t even know where to begin. Your small brain is so new and fresh to Dragon Age: Origins that you cannot possibly understand the dynamics and personalities of all characters within. Therefore I will let this little jab pass. Also, expect to hear from my attorney.]
So after talking with him, we were sent off into the Korcari Wilds to prepare for The Joining and collect the Grey Warden Treaties. I gathered up the necessary amount of Darkspawn blood and killed just about everything in sight. As I got deeper into the land, I bumped into Morrigan, and her mother. They kept us at arms length, but no harm was done and they gave us the treaties.
[What? No comments on her epic boobs?]
I returned to Ostagar and gave the medicinal flower to the guard with the doggies. One of them really liked me after that and I was told that he might become my personal pet. I’m fine with that, as long as he doesn’t poop all over my things. Eventually, it was time to be inititated into the group properly.
[DUDE! I was never told that one of them might become my personal pet :(. I wonder if it’s because you’re playing as a dwarf and you’re like, good at reading animals and shit.]
So the ritual to join the Grey Wardens is to drink Darkspawn blood? Wonderful. Apparently, if you make it out alive, you’ll be able to sense the Darkspawn in your veins but they in turn will sense you more easily. Sound like a stupid plan, to me, but what could I do? Myself and my buddies Jory and Daveth came along for the ride. It was time to feast on the blood of our enemy.
Daveth went first. He drank that blood like a pro. Unfortunately, confidence wasn’t enough, as the cursed liquid drove him to his doom. Whoops. Next up was Jory. A bit of a cherubic fellow, he was, but good with a blade and loyal to his family. That loyalty, however, got him freaked out when he saw Daveth pass. He was afraid to abandon his family, afraid to make the sacrifice for the greater good. Duncan was most displeased and, as the tradition states, forced to eliminate the man with a sword through the sternum. What a chicken.
[I loved how chill Duncan was whilst his blade penetrated that Daveth’s sternum.]
And so, it was time for me to taste from the stained chalice. As Duncan said in his own words, I was called upon to submit myself to the taint. It was a request that I could not resist. My dwarf took the demon juice into his mouth and swallowed every drop. It was kinda hot.
[Wait, what? I thought you were an ugly dwarf man. Hmmmm….unless you just stole a photo off of the internet. STEALER!!!!]
I saw a vision. They tell me it was an archdemon. I would’ve just called it a dragon. I mean, that’s what it was, right? Either way, when I awoke, Duncan and Alistair were standing over me, awaiting my return to reality. After letting them violate my body, I was now one of them.
[Yes. A dragon. An old dragon God that leads tons of darkspawn into a blight in an attempt to destroy the land of Ferelden. Same thing.]
Our next mission was to light a beacon in the nearby tower. The goal was to signal the armies under Teryn Loghain’s command to aid the Grey Wardens against the oncoming onslaught. So with Alistair (who complained about having to come along), I headed for the stone structure. We had a job to do, and we were going to end this quick and easy…
[OOOH. This is one of my favorite parts. SUCH EPIC BATTLING. I don’t know if you can handle it, Tony. Oh. I’m still upset about your Alistair comment from earlier.]