Boots’ Guest Game Log #2: – Dragon Age: Origins

 Hey guys!  My buddy Tony (AKA Boots) is about to pop his Dragon Age: Origins cherry and has graciously volunteered to keep a guest game log. This will work similar to the logs I keep, but you know I need to add in my own snarky remarks in red ;)

Boots’ Guest Game Log #2: – Dragon Age: Origins

Well well… it’s been a few months, hasn’t it?

[YOU THINK?!]

I should explain. You see, way back in December of “oh-eleven”, Britt convinced me that I had to play this game in order to appreciate the sequel. I use that description loosely since it seems that most people think of it as the inferior title. But hey, it was $10, so I can’t complain.

Shortly after, she agreed to let me do this Game Log so she could vicariously live through my fresh new experiences while injecting her own thoughts. Naturally, I put it off for 5-and-a-half months but, after having her yell at me last week, I decided to finally begin this epic adventure and put an end to her suffering.

 [Whoever said Dragon Age: Origins is an inferior title to Dragon Age II was clearly dropped as a child or ate way too many crayons. Even the creators of Dragon Age have said they know they sorta-kinda fugg’d up in Dragon Age II. But don’t get me started.]

Of course, in true Britt fashion, I couldn’t just play the game. I knew that doing this log would require invoking the spirit of the Blonde Nerd, so I whipped up a little snack to begin my journey.

 [Tony, you’re doing it right. This is basically pr0n.]

As with all of these games, I usually take way too long creating my character, so I left my hero in the hands of chance. Using a random number generating website, I plugged in the data for each slider and ended up with a Noble Rogue Dwarf. The hardest part was coming up with his name, but I’ve decided that since I love Dr. Doom so much, I’m going to go with Viktor as my standard RPG name from here on out.

[Props, dude. I can never stray away from the typical Human Warrior. Actually, make that a FEMALE Human Warrior. After all, one cannot engage in Holy Matrimony with King Alistair otherwise.]

Turns out that I’m the 2nd son of the Dwarven King Endrin Aeducan (pronounced eye-DOO-kin, which made me say it like the Street Fighter ‘hadouken’ in my head every time). My 2nd, Gorim, informed me that I was to be named Commander of an army so I had to visit my father at the ceremonial feast. This all sounded well and good, but I had a land to explore, so I went wandering.

I met all kinds of people. My younger brother’s mistress, numerous merchants and servants, and of course, my brothers themselves. Bhelen was my younger bro and seemed like a cool dude, while older bro Trian heir to the throne, was a complete cockatoo. All he wanted to do was tell me how much of a pissant I was. I scoffed at his bullshit and went and battled in the Provings… victoriously, of course. On the way back, a merchant gave me this kickass electric sword which I proudly accepted. I also ran into Bhelen who told me that Trian was going to try and have me killed. No wonder he was such a dingus! I agreed to keep my eyes open and headed for the feast… but not before I ran into two Barbara Streisand lookalikes that wanted to ravage me and have my babies.

[BAHAHAHAHA!! Ahem. For serious, this is thuper interesting to me because like I said I’ve never started an origin besides a Human Warrior. Also, Bhelen is a bitch. I never liked guy.]

In the King’s Chambers, I met Duncan of the Grey Wardens and had a chat about possibly joining them. I also met Lord Dace, who tried to get me to support him in regaining nobility rights for the surface dwarves, to which I originally agreed. However, someone informed me of his true agenda so I made him look like a fool in front of the other Nobles. That’s what you get when you mess with this dwarf, son. Shortly afterwards, I was dubbed Commander by my father and sent to recover the Lost Shield of Aeducan from the Deep Roads.

Before reaching the Shield, my party and I ran into a group of bandits that had gotten a hold of an Aeducan ring and were attempting to get the shield for themselves. I made short work of them with my taser sword, assuming that Trian was the one who supplied them the ring. We recovered the artifact easily and headed out, only to find Trian on the ground, dead. As I examined the body, the King and Bhelen approached. Bhelen then accused me of killing my own brother in hopes of gaining the throne.

Bhelen! Bro! WHAT THE EFF ARE YOU DOING?

Of course, I had no strong alibi, and I was sentenced to exile. However, before leaving, Lord Harrowmont sympathized with me and gave me some ragtag equipment to fight with in the Deep Roads. While exploring the caves, I ran into Duncan and his band of merry Grey Wardens, so they took me in and led me to their camp in Ostagar. Upon arrival, I met the human King, Cailan, and he seemed rather eager to fight. What a fool.

Oh well, maybe he’s a decent warrior for all I know. As it stands, it looks like I’ll be joining the ranks of these heralded protectors. I just have to talk to this “Alistair” character, first…

Also, those buffalo chicken bites were fantastic.

[Your life is forever going to change after you meet Alistair. Trust me. It is. Then you’ll stop making fun of me and of my love for him. YOU WILL TONY!!!!]