Arkham City Log #1: Oh, I’ve Missed This.

Its been over a year since I finished Arkham Asylum, and while Ive forgotten a few details of the games story I distinctly remember it left a very hot wing-esque taste in my mouth. Which is the best taste ever. And after firing up Arkham City and spending about an hour with it, that taste of heavenly, theoretical hot wings filled my mouth last night thanks to the gadgets, the moves, the flying, Batmans hotness, detective mode, reading the characters bios, and just overall, being a stealthy badass. I HAVE MISSED ALL OF IT SO HARD.

Even just typing about it makes me giddy.

So Arkham City is picking up, obviously, after the events of Arkham Asylum. While he has never been a political person, Bruce Wayne doesnt agree with Arkham City and knows it wont be long before the thugs break out and ooze into Gotham. From the sounds of it, hes tried to stop the construction of Arkham City as Batman, but its not enough, so hes investing millions and getting all up in the political scene to try and bring it down.

Unfortunately, as hes starting his little ol speech hes arrested for protesting and brought into Arkham City. While that wasnt his original plan, it turns out its probably for the best as Hugo Strange (he seems to be the man running everythingin a sense, anyway) mentions something called Protocol Ten, and now that they have Batman it can go into effect. DUN DUN DUUUUN

Of course, Mr. Wayney-Poo escapes and makes his way into the booking area. After being processed and running into Jack Ryder he comes face-to-face with Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot (OHMYGOD I LOVE THAT NAME) or Penguin, but I personally like Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot. (OHMYGOD I WROTE IT AGAIN.) Ultimately, Bruce breaks free, punches everyone in the nuts and has Alfred drop off his ish. Once hes all suited up and officially Batman, he intercepts a radio transmission that depicts Harvey Dent(TWO FACE!) has Catwoman at the court house. (For the record, I skipped writing about the part when I played as Catwoman in the beginning because all it would have consisted of would be talk of her amazing ass.)


So I stormed the courthouse, defeated Two Faces thugs, strung him up and saved Catwoman. Also, I just need to say that I could be considered a Batman n00b–the only Batman experience I have is the films and with Arkham Cityand I just need to say these characters fucking rock. Mmkay. So Batman wants to know what Catwoman knows of Protocol Ten. She says she knows nothing, but is concerned about Two Face. Hes been off of the radar for a while, but all of a sudden hes back and running the place. Rumor has it he and Joker are working on something together, JUST for Batman.

While we were chit chatting, Mr. Joker decided to make an attempt at sniping Catwoman. Batman, being the stud he is, moved her out of the way just in time. I really would have preferred it if they just boinked right then and there, but alas. Anyway, she left and Batman used his stealthy detective moves to find out where the bullet came from, which happened to be from a Bell Tower on a church. I headed there and found Miss Quinn. God I love her. Shes so stupid and obnoxious but I still love her. Thinking of it, that would have been a fun Halloween costume.

ANYWAY! She left to go do more of Jokers bidding, and I was left with four or five armed inmates. What ensued was my favorite quote thus far:

After pwning everyone and saving hostages, I climbed up to the Bell Tower and LO AND BEHOLDthere was this. Lovely.

Now I need to track his radio signal! But I seriously doubt hell just be, you know, chilling and waiting for me. Supposedly hes had a bad reaction to the overdose on Titan from Arkham Asylum, and rumor has it that hes dying and hasnt quite been himself lately. I SHALL FIND OUT!!!!


  1. I would rather see Catwoman and Harley get it on, but I’m a dude, so yeah. :)

    But you’re right about Selina’s bum. So nice.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.