::cue item get jingle:: A LINK TO THE PAST: I DEFEATED IT!
And because it is Friday and I want to GTFO as soon as I can, prepare for an onslaught of photos depicting my win and such.
Motherfuckin’ Princess Zelda herself then pooped out of a crystal, or she was pooped out of the turtle in the form of a crystal (bet that was hard to pass) and bestowed her eternal wisdom upon me:
“I appreciate you coming so far to rescue me. As I thought, you are the legendary hero. I have felt this from the first time we met. Gaon is waiting inside of his tower to pass through the gate linking the two worlds. Once Ganon enters the Light World,it is unlikely that anyone can stop him. But if he stays in the closed space of this world, you can find him wherever he runs. Now, go to the Tower of Ganon! We will use our combined powers to break the barrier. Let’s return peace to the country without fail… May the way of the Hero lead to the Triforce.”
Ganon then bestowed HIS infinite wisdom upon me:
(NOTE: For best results, read the below paragraph as would a pig:)
“I never imagined a boy like you could give me so much trouble. It’s unbelievable that you defeated my alter ego, Agahnim the Dark Wizard, twice! But I willn ever give you the Triforce. I will destroy you and make my wish to conquer both Light and Dark Worlds come true without delay.”
In all of it’s golden beauty, the Triforce…well, it uh talked to me.
“Welcome, Link…I am the Essence of the Triforce. The Triforce will grant the wishes in the heart and mind of the person who touches it. If a person with a good heart touches it, it will make this good wishes come true… If an evil-hearted person touches it, it grants his evil wishes. The stronger the wish, the more powerful the Triforce’s expression of that wish. Ganon’s wish was to conquer the world. That wish changed the Golden Land to the Dark World. Ganon was building up his power here so he could conquer the Light World and make his wish come completely true. But now, you have totally destroyed Ganon. His Dark World will vanish. The Triforce is waiting for a new owner. Its Golden Power is in your hands… Now, touch it with a wish in your heart.”
Cue the adorable ending scenes:
I DID IT! After, what, 17 years of owning this amazeballs SNES vidja-game I finally completed it. GO ME!
Here’s my updated Zelda console ranking list thing-a-ma-bob:
1) Ocarina of Time
2) Twilight Princess
3) Link to the Past
4) Wind Waker
5) Skyward Sword
6) Majora’s Mask