ZOMBIEAPOCALYPSE: Choose Wisely.

OOH! OOH! Let me tell you mine!!! ::clears throat::

1. I’d have to go with C. While a shotty and an RPG would be amazing, they have their drawbacks. With a shotty you have to be super close to your enemy — I’m talking ZOMG-you-are-one-bite-away-from-tearing-off-my-face-close — and with an RPG…well, I would hate to have to reload that thing in a pinch. “OHAI zombies, just wait while I load this ol’ rocket…” Whereas with something auto or semi-auto it’s like, BLAP BLAP BLAP! Perfect for medium to short distance shooting. And it’s amazeballs if you need to blow out some kneecaps.

2. Ew. Crossbows are awesome, but like…no thanks. Again, I’d hate to have to ask the zombies to wait for me while I yank an arrow out of their buddy’s eye socket — although, if things were to go smoothly with the crossbow ammo wouldn’t be as much as a problem as my number one choice, C. Hello, silenced pistol. You will be perfect for shooting something in the back of the head or for shooting off locks and whatnot.

3. HMMMMMMMMM. Okay, as cool as a baseball bat would be I’d be rather screwed if that thing acquired an unfortunate dent. And plus I don’t think a baseball bat could, you know, penetrate a zombie’s brain with ease. You’d have to bash the SHIT out of it. A chainsaw is far too noisy and requires this substance called gasoline, not to mention the HIGH potential for blood splatter all of your face. I’d have to go with B. I could be a ninja and slice dem bitches’ heads off. Like Michonne. She’s my hero.

4. ::rubs non-existent beard:: Binoculars could be handy when you’re trying to determine whether or not a figure in the distance is friend or foe, and a flashlight WOULD be extremely useful for those dark nights…and rope…nah. I’ve never been much of a climber so even attempting to use one would practically be suicide (although it could be used for tying doors shut and whatnot). I’d have to go with D, even though I don’t know what half of those things do. BUT I WOULD FIGURE IT OUT. A zombie apocalypse forces you to learn these things.

5. While B would be mobile and agile, it would, uh, also be this thing called SUICIDE. Now, a tank would be awesome but I feel like you would be limited in where you could go (couldn’t traverse alleyways, fragile mountain roads, etc.) not to mention you would draw a FUCKTON of attention. And a watercraft…well, assuming zombies can’t swim, maybe you could find a remote island somewhere and call it your home. But, like, if something were to go wrong with it WHILE you’re on the island you’d have no means to access mainland. (Ah, starvation on a remote island — what a life.) But if you go with A you’re presented with a pretty universal means of travel, and if something were to go wrong you could always try and find another motor vehicle. But like I said, if you’re stranded on an island and your watercraft goes tits-up…yeah. It wouldn’t be pretty.

NOW TELL ME YOUR CHOICES SO WE CAN DISCUSS THIS FURTHER BECAUSE I LIVE FOR THIS TYPE OF CONVERSATION.

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  • Xackery

    HRrrm!
    1: C for sure, while A could be competitively argued, an AR15 with the accesories noted in this picture is the way to go, ideally with more clips, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nhc7YSuepNE Like this!

    2: A Deagle would be fun, uzi i don’t see doing enough damage, crossbow maybe with explosive bolts!

    3. D I’d go with the michete, but I’d prefer a Kukri! http://www.zombiehunters.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=33&t=84105

    4: D. I could argue why all of them are good, but swiss army knives are just so handy in an environment like this.

    5: Hahaha. Probably d, considering zombies aren’t typically seen swimming! Gotta watch out for zombie sharks though. 😛

    • britt5091

      Explosive bolts would be pretty amazing, wouldn’t they?!

    • UGH, “CLIPS”…

      NO!

      A “clip” is when the rounds are full exposed (think M1 Garand). A “magazine” is when they’re fully enclosed (pretty much every modern man-portable firearm).

  • C
    C
    B
    D
    B

  • C,C,D,B,A

  • C A D A A

  • CADAA the main guns out of all their drawbacks and advantages i have to choose C. It has the best upside. Secondary i want something familiar and decent stopping power. 3 I want a weapon easy to jandle with a blade that has nultiple uses. Last resort in killing zombies or as simple as cutting thru brush. I want the bionocolers for scouting and the vehicle i chose can travel rough and smooth territory

  • CCCCC

    a m4/m203…Come on that just equals death or re-death on soooo many levels for a zombie.

    The silenced pistol cuz after launching m203 grenades, and hearing the m4 fire all day and night, a silenced gun would be like ba da ba ba ba I’m lovin it!

    The chainsaw cuz they are just fun!

    The rope cuz I can drag some re-dead zombies by their zombie homies to send em a message , don’t jack with the guy rolling through the hood in the tank

    Which brings me to a tank…really? It’s a freaking tank!! Need I say more?

    Fun blog post btw 🙂

    • britt5091

      GOD I LOVE TANKS

  • cddbb
    1) Assualt rifle /grenade launcher for close range
    2) Crossbow has long range silent kills, is more accurate than a pistol at longer range, and can typically have the bolts picked up after a kill (re-usable ammo).
    3) I agree with most of your logic except that katana’s tend to break when they hit bone and as I’m not skilled ninja master I’d choose the machete…also useful for clearing out forest path
    4) The flashlight. Useful for those exploration runs through buildings with no power. the swiss army knife isn’t that useful…if you have ever had one it’s uses are pretty much making wet kindling bark strips.
    5) all depends on your environment and what you intend to do in post zombie invasion world. I’d actually pick the dirtbike…it’s mobile, can handle many types of terrain, and has great mpg. plus, most roads will probably be blocked with abandoned cars.

    • britt5091

      Ooooh. I didn’t think about that bad boy breaking. And yeah, good call on the flashlight. But again, I’ll be in my perfect holed up area AKA Costco, sooooo… ;D

      • A decently made katana is no more prone to shattering than a similarly-made Western sword. They do tend to lose their edge a little quicker than Western blades though (since you’re only ever using the one edge compared to a longsword’s two, in addition to the fact that Western blades tend to be less about pure cuts and more about brute force, and thus don’t need to have the razor edge to be effective).
        SOURCE: actually using a katana for almsot six years.

  • Cue my killer’s smile. I live for this stuff.
    1. (A) tempts me but it is too dedicated for long range. Under 50 yards and it would be harder to get bead on a moving target. So I must go with (C), versatile and gives me a lot of options. I would try my best to keep it on semi-auto though. The scope helps aiming but isn’t so high-powered to limit it to high range. Under-barrel grenade launcher is a good option for large groups to to blow through a door/wall
    2. I have to go with (C), it is silenced and has a higher magazine capacity than (A). Plus lack of recoil and the artificially lengethened barrel give greater accuracy. Crossbows are awesome (Daryl for the win) but I plan on moving and the one shot capacity isn’t practical for that. I would keep one or several in a fortress to silence any stray roamers assuming I was being super stealth like CJ
    3. (D) just suits me so well. I love machetes, they are durable and easy to use and easy for me to carry. The weight of mine is a reassuring thing. Plus you can hack any brush in your trail or cut firewood with it. I would be a breaking bones with a baseball bat, but for a bludgeon I prefer something a bit more specifically designed to crush skulls. Like a warhammer or a mace. Katanas are also awesome, but harder to use in a confined space and I would feel bad getting it dirty lol. Still katana is my second option
    4. I am going with (D) because I love knives and a swiss army knife has a thousand and one uses. Flashlight has like two and would reveal my position. Binoculars have like one. I trust my eyes well enough. Rope is versatile, but more survival challenges can be solved with a swiss army knife. I could use it to make my own rope.
    5. I want to go with (B) because it can move quickly in confined places. However I do not have any motorcycle skills, so I would end up being less than fresh meat for zombies on the pavement. Everybody would want me if I have a tank and if some took the RPG option I could be in trouble. Since I am pretty landlocked I will have to go with (A) though I foresee a lot of problems. I would prefer something more fuel efficient, yet try to keep up high storage capacity. Maybe a hybrid truck. On the other hand, gas would be easier to loot than electricity. Hmm that is an interesting thought…
    Oh I love this

    • britt5091

      Oh, Bradley, I love your comment. AREN’T THESE THINGS SO FUN? But you’re another person for the machete…I shall ponder that.

      • Machete is a personal one for me because I just love mine. I would team up with katana wielders or carry both if that was an option. Cause decapitation is easier with a katana. If you have a true battle blade and good technique you can literally cut a pig or two in half. Yay Deadliest Warrior

        • “Deadliest Warrior” is some fake-ass garbage, though it’s fun to watch.

    • Collin

      Flashlight can:
      A: provide light
      B: signal
      C: start fires
      D: you can hit people I’ve the head with
      It
      E: you can store things inside of you Absolutely need to

  • Adam Kirkby

    C cuz i can get a headshot on a zombitch 300 meters away. A cuz a suppressor just isnt needed and with this handgun you get more power and a larger clip. D a machete is less likely to break than a katana. D cuz i can use the knife and some of the other tools to pick locks and cut wires if i need to hotwire a car. and A cuz i can just run over zombies if they get in my way.

    • britt5091

      Hahaha…zombitch. I like it. But aren’t machetes a pain in the ass to lug around?

    • Collin

      Desert eagle: 7 rounds
      Beretta: 9-15 depending on the model

  • Erin

    1. C; although A is tempting. I’d love to just camp on a hill somewhere and snipe some zombies.
    2. B. Hands down. Because it’s just awesome. And finding ammo would be pretty easy to find
    3. D; not only could you chop some zombs but you could do some bush-whacking with that shit. ha…bush-whack.
    4. D; so many uses for it. However, the rope would be good for setting traps and such.
    5. D; I think an island would be a good plan. BUT if I was staying on land I’d want the Hummer. BUT first choice would be a UNI MOG…HOLLER!!!!!!

    <3Balzac
    Erin

    • britt5091

      MARRY ME!!! E-Erin…will you survive the zombie apocalypse with me????

  • Britt, I have to agree with all your choices except I’m shocked that you’d pick a silenced pistol over the deagle. Shit, I’d pick the deagle as my primary AND secondary weapon! Dual-wield deagles? Zombies can’t touch this (da-nah-nah-nah).

    • britt5091

      Psssh, you don’t know anything about zombies, son. Do I need to give you a zombie lesson? ;D But, ahem, since you did agree with my other choices I guess that makes you slightly cool.

    • The IMI Desert Eagle is 4.4 lbs, only has seven rounds, and each loaded magazine weighs 2.3 lbs and costs US$10.50 IN AMMUNITION ALONE. Furthermore, it is difficult to use since the mechanics needed to safely use the .50 Action Express make it unwieldly. Lastly, the ballistics on the .50 AE are terrible at any range above 25 meters (approx. 27.3 yards), which, when coupled with the weapon’s 6″ barrel, mean you’re not hitting anything with any accuracy.
      The Desert Eagle is a glorified paperweight, and is only a popular weapons in video games because of Counter-Strike. Kids these days don’t know anything about guns.
      Seriously, the 9mm (#3) is smaller, lighter, cheaper, easier to fire, and easier to hit things with, making a competent user that much better.

    • Collin

      Where would you get ammo? .50 is very rare

  • C because i need to stay medium range C so i dont attract attention and can pick off zombies B because it is light and has a sheath so you cant stab yourself and easily kill B because a flashlight can help at night so you dont meet a new “friend” and A easy to navigate and tough

    • britt5091

      See, I’d like to think that at night I would, like, never be outside alone. I would be holed up in my perfectly safe safe house, thus the reason I wouldn’t need a flashlight.

  • 1.A. This is me assuming I have people with me with other weapons, and perhaps we already have some kind of shelter setup. I will always be the one who will (from a place of great safety and height) shoot zombies and then be giddy when I blow their heads up, or take off a limb or, like the Dawn of the Dead, pick off the famous-looking zombies.

    2.D. I like the “silent but deadly” idea (not a fart, though I’d probably do lots of that too). In fact, I’ve already looked into acquiring one of these, but since it requires a gun license, I got a regular bow to learn on and to hang on my wall.

    3.D…I guess. I like the samurai sword, but with both that and the machete, I’d be worried about it getting stuck in a zombie, or cutting myself. I personally would opt for an axe, because it has the heft to help me chop into things, but I could use the blunt side or top to smash zombie heads or shove them off without getting the blade stuck.

    4.D? This was the hardest one. I don’t need A, if I have a sniper rifle, so that’s that. I wouldn’t know what to do with C, so that leaves B and D. I would love to have my little Mag light on me for dark places, but once everything went dark, I think my eyes would adjust, and I wouldn’t need it all the time. So I guess D. I dunno, it seems a little useless maybe, but it feels like one of those things I’d pull out randomly to deal with an issue and it would save everything. Plus, it’s not super bulky.

    5.A. It just seems like the most practical, unless you’re trying to go through water, drive through a wall, or get snatched off a motorbike. Jeeps are rugged enough to go off road or drive over zombies, but also normal enough that I can just jump in and drive.

    This was fun! Thanks! 😀

    • Collin

      The rope versus the flashlight was honestly the hardest decision, because the rope can be used to attach things, to make a shelter, to tie things to your backpack/car. Buuuuuuuuuttttt…..
      Once all power goes out, you would be suprised at how dark it really gets. Plus even with your eyes adjusted you still can’t see very well, so if there was another survivor out there that saw you wandering around in the dark, he might shoot you, so the flashlight has a signaling purpose too. It also can start fires if you take the lense out and focus the sun with it, and in a pinch you can store stuff inside

  • >MFW I already have an AR-15 and a Taurus PT92 (With enough magazines and ammunition for both of them to last a long while) as well as being a good shot with both, a Cold Steel Daisho (katana/wakizashi/tanto, battle-ready, cut a boar’s head+skull in two during the stress test), a large assortments of all the gadgets shown, and ready access to a decommissioned Army Humvee (friend bought it, no guns, but it still has most of the armor plating and the bulletproof windows).

    • Forgot to add after the daisho part, “and have been swordfighting for 6 years so know intrinsically how to use all of them and accurately hit the weak spots on the human body”

  • Charles Patrick

    1. I would prefer (C) ’cause it is good for scouting and easy to use, plus you can put all the accessories like night vision sights etc.
    2. (C) seems to be a good choice since it’s quick, light and effective. You’re screwed if you use the uzi or desert eagle, they’re too damn noisy, and if you choose the crossbow like what are you? Daryl dixon to be fab and shit with a crossbow.
    3. I would really like to use (c) because it’s damn useful but it lacks of range and it can’t slice faster than the katana but atleast you can be like indiana jones in some jungle.
    4. (C) would be better, having a swiss toolkit for zombie apocalypse would be useful plus it almost has everything.
    5. (A) a Military Humvee would be good but everything still needs gas n’shit, sometimes you should go with horses, atleast maintain it by feeding it, but still a humvee is good cause you can sleep in it during night time after driving all day long.

  • Collin

    Primary: A, because it’s chambered in 7.62 meaning ammo will be fairly common (any house that has an AK has ammo for me) plus, I’m an excellent shot with scoped rifles, and finally, it would eliminate the use of binoculars because you have the scope, so I free up my gadget spot. Secondary: I’m goi g to have to go with c, because 9 millimeter ammo is fairly common, it’s easy to control the recoil, and it’s suppressed, meaning if I’m firing inside a house, it will barely be noticeable outside the house. Also, it’s very effective in close quarters. Melee: D. Mainly because you can move it around in close quarters very easily, and it’s not long and unwieldy like a katana. (In close quarters, like a tight hallway) Also, I could use it almost as a utility knife, eliminating the need for the Swiss Army knife, but it’s heavy enough to get a good swing in. Gadget: B. There is no way in hell I will spend 10-14 hours of the day blind. Plus, you can dissassemble flashlights and use the lense to start fires. And finally, vehicle: A all the way. First, you can store tons of crap inside, making it basically a mobile base. Second you can carry a bunch of people. Third, all the modern SUVs have the “ecoboost” or something similar, making them better on gas (which will be incredibly hard to find once all the gas stations dry up) Fourth, you can take it almost anywhere, including city streets and country dirt roads at high speeds. Finally, replacement parts will be easy to find, because you can salvage them off all the cars left in cities and towns.