Another Night, Another Zombie Dream

Ah, zombies. I love the fuckers, but when it comes to dreaming about them that’s a whole ‘nother story. I never know what I’m going to get. The dream can be fun (almost humorous), or it could be downright terrifying (piddle-inducing). Unfortunately I had a piddle-inducing, freak-ay zombie adventure in dreamland last night.

(Note: I didn’t really piddle my bed.)

In a nice change of pace, I had already taken refuge in my parents’ house when this dream started. My mom was at work, but my dad was home as well as their kitteh <3. At that moment I felt a sense of security; my parents live on two acres out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, after all.

This is by far my favorite picture of teh kitteh <3 I call him Derpie.

But there was a pit in my stomach because I knew my mom was at work and we hadn’t heard from her. That sense of dread alone is enough to make any dream unenjoyable, nahm’sayin? Anyway, I found myself calming my nerves by sitting in my old room and petting the cat. He was sleeping peacefully, and I should have just let him sleep…but no. I had to pet him until he woke up. No biggie, but as soon as he wakes up he *always* wants to go outside. Woops.

My old room. This is exactly where I was petting him in my dream.

Sure as heck, he started heading towards the front door. MUAHAHA…sorry, Kitteh, but that front door is shut and it’s staying shut. We’re in the middle of a FREAKIN ZOMBIE APOCOLPYSE. You’re not going outside anytime soon — oh, you’re going to use this brand new attic-esque ramp that leads outside. Where did that come from? Oh. It was built to just to inconvenience my dream. Lovely.

Within a matter of seconds I spot the cat dilly dallying outside. Earlier there hadn’t been any zombies lurking about, so I figured I’d have enough time to dash outside, nab him and lock him in the bathroom (or something). While the thought of going outside and possibly being spotted by a zombie was absolutely terrifying, one does what one must to save their kitty. But as I took another look through a window I noticed a whole mutha’fuckin WAVE of those pusbags were making their way through my parents’ front yard and slowly trickling out of the woods. The cat was nowhere in sight.

The yard of frontage.

Again, lovely.

Suddenly I hear this frantic meowing coming from the front door. Now, as every zombie guru (and I guess anyone with reasonable IQ) will tell you, there are always consequences for your actions. If I were to open the door for my cat (and save his life) this could be VERY BAD mmmkay as it would alert the zombies that my dad and I were inside. However, if I ignored my cat I’d have to live with my douchebag self.  And before you say “HURRR it’s just a cat DURRR” did I ever tell you about the time I ran outside at 2 am in nothing but a t-shirt while carrying a baseball bat because I thought I heard my cat fighting with a raccoon? No? Okay. Now you know.

I dashed to the door and opened it ever so slightly, and the cat darted in. But as I suspected, he wasn’t alone. There were about fifteen moaning, groaning zombies crowded around the doorway, reaching inside, grasping at whatever they could and the bastards ultimately made shutting the door impossible.

It was around this time my dad decided to make an appearance (OHAI dad!) and together we managed to slam the door shut. But all was not well. Our position was known. Every inch of the house was surrounded by zombies; they were pounding on the walls, they were slapping the windows. The door we had managed to shut was now about to buckle. I didn’t know where my mom is.  What does one do?

You realize it’s a dream, neenerhead! Yup, amongst all of the chaos I understood that all of this was fake.

And let me tell you, as soon as I came to that lil’ realization I did everything in my power to wake myself up. I ran to the middle of the living room and started slapping my head and pulling my hair all while shouting, “THIS IS A DREAM! How do you wake yourself up from a dream?!” Now, what I SHOULD have done was dreamt up an army of Grey Wardens to slaughter the zombies. That would have been epic. But no, I continued acting like a freak and carried on with hair pulling and face smacking.

Incredibly, it worked. However you can imagine my confusion as I woke up in my bed with my hands all wrapped up and entangled in my hair.

Just a typical night for Britt. 😉

I’m so growing up and becoming a cat lady, aren’t I? …dammit.

Dig my weirdness? Subscribe to my Youtube channel (below)!

  • the final step towards crazy cat ladydom is when you actually piddle yourself. I will admit I do have a weakness for kitties as well, I did dumb things to get that pussy off the roof all because that cat was cuddly. So when you make your final transition into full cat lady I will visit to pet the furry pussy and maybe go inside your woman cave. Holy vagina puns batman what have I become?

    • Britt

      HAHAHA. Derrick, I don’t know if I’ve told you lately, but I <3 you.

  • Yimleng Yang

    Has Pegs taught you nothing. If you wanted the dream to be epic you should have dreamed up Burt, but he would have yelled at you and said “people first.”

    • Britt

      But if I had dreamed up Burt I wouldn’t have been able to save Kitteh. I should have called Pegs and sacrificed her.

  • Eric Bartha

    That is one large (and cute) kitty! I feel like a cat of that magnitude could have slain all these zombies for you. Talk about an epic dream!

    • Britt

      <3333. Zombie apocalypse? What zombie apocalypse?

  • Tom Nord

    I’m the same way. I lurve the zombies, but the dreams still freak me the fuck out. In some small way, that plays in to why I love them. Also, you either slept in the tiniest human bed ever, or your cat is HUGE.

    • Britt

      Yeah, it was a twin sized sooo…tiniest human bed ever. Also, huge kitteh is huge. I guess dreams are the only way we’ll be able to live out the apocalypse…until the real one, that is.

  • Bradley

    That cat is massive, I approve. Also, Mr Whiskers was a traitor, totally in cahoots with the Mallers.

    My plan would be to grab the baseball bat, lure the zombies to one side of the house and make a mad dash out the other end. Unless were these fast zombies? Seemed to catch up with the cat pretty quick, since the cat was dashing towards the door. Or seal yourself, kitty and Dad into the attic.

    I remember I once had a dream where I dreamed so hard I was getting up that when I awoke, I was in a sitting position.

    • Britt

      THANK YOU! Mr. Whiskers is totally the rat. Why else would he have disappeared like he did? Also, thanks for the game plan. Why couldn’t you have told me earlier?! 😉

  • BromBrom

    You could have called forth Rainbow Dash to destroy the evil zombie horde.

    But you would need to watch MLP:FiM to know who that is.

    Or you could check Wikipedia like I did.

    I am not a brony, honest.

    • Britt

      Checking Wiki now…

  • Tim

    In vest in a good fishing rod and a cat harness with a little hook on it. Come 2012 you can just fish for kitty from the second story window. You get to save kitty and stay safe!

    • Britt

      OH! Why didn’t I think of that? Thanks, Tim! 😀

  • Jeff

    I thought I was the only one that had reoccurring zombie dreams. Granted, I always manage to have a gun or superpowers so they’re never actually scary dreams. Also, massive cat is massive.