EASTERz0R!!!

I want to wish all of ya’ll a happy Easter! For those of you with spawn, I hope you guys have lots of fun gathering Easter eggs and whatnot. Me? What will I be doing? (Because I know you want to ask) I will be sulking around, reaping the unfortunate benefits of being an adult on a holiday geared towards small children.

….PSSSSSSSSH. Eff that noise! I will be dying Easter eggs up the BUTT.  Ahem. Let me rephrase that– I  have no plans on dying any eggs of any sorta via my butt. However I will be using cups and at-home egg dying kits.

Also (AND THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING PART) I will be partaking in this:

Ladies only field? C'MON.

 Here’s a confession: I LOVE Easter egg hunts. LOVE. THEM. It’s almost like having hundreds of packs of Pokémon cards in a field: you never know what you’re going to find inside each pack/egg. IT’S SO THRILLING. (Yes, I know I’m easily amused.)

Easter also triggers a traumatizing memory. You see, I frequented Easter egg hunts with my family. One year in particular I was out scavenging the fields (along with a million other tiny spawn) and my dad was observing whilst leaning against a tree — he had been leaning against this tree for about ten minutes – when all of a sudden this little grubby boy reached right past my daddio and pulled out the MOTHERFUCKING GOLDEN EGG from a knothole within in said tree. That little grubby kid-bastard walked out of that egg hunt with a brand new bicycle.

My father: the unobservant.

Ahem. Now that I’ve released those demons…

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!!! <3

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