Britt5091 Origins: You never know what you’re going to see at the zoo: My “R” rated visit and more

Welcome to Britt5091: Origins, where I dig up old blog posts I used to write for IGN’s community under the username Britt5091. Some posts may make you giggle, some may make your eyes bleed, and some may make you stroke your beard in a pensive manner. All you need to know is that these posts, no matter how terrible some of them may be, ultimately lead to everything I do now.

You never know what you’re going to see at the zoo: My “R” rated visit and more

August 22, 2009

I’m a complete sucker for cute animals. It’s a nice day in Seattle so I went to the zoo with a friend. Oooh boy. Let me share what we experienced.

Penguin exhibit: First of all, let me say everyone and their uncle was at this exhibit. It’s the latest and greatest at the zoo. So we are all crowded around waiting for these buggers to waddle out. When they do, all but two of them venture off to where we couldn’t see them. So it’s only natural the only two we COULD see proceed to get it on like there is no tomorrow.

Pudu exhibit: A Pudu looks like a miniature deer and hails from South America. If I saw one in the woods during open season it wouldn’t be safe. Kidding. Anyway, it was about 20 feet away and appeared as it was taking a massive #2. Just when I’m getting ready to turn around SPLAT out pops this baby Pudu. It gave birth right in front of us. Totally unexpected. The moms had a good time explaining what had just happened to their kids.

Baby Snow Leopard exhibit: Besides the x-rated penguin exhibit, this is the next big thing. It was getting warm outside and we were all lined up to go and see the baby leopard. This man tried to pull a fast one and cut in front of a woman ahead of me. Well the woman FLIPS OUT and starts dropping “F” bombs left and right screaming at the guy. It got so bad security was called and has to ESCORT HER OUT. Awkwwwaaarrrd.

Gorilla exhibit: There was this massive Gorilla chillin’ about 10 feet away from us. All was going well until it reached between his legs, grabbed his freshly produced fecal matter and proceeded to eat it. It reminded me of Two Girls One Cup and I instantly became nauseous.

Because of today, forever in my mind are etched images of a 350 lb woman being escorted out by a 150 lb security guard, penguins doing the nasty, a side of a Pudu I never wanted to see and an ape eating its shit. WIN!

Onto happier and G rated things, check out when I picked up for 25 bucks this morning (YES at garage sales).

I’ve wanted to play Lost Planet and Enchanted Arms for a while, so I was really excited to see a guy selling them for a buck each. I almost had the big O when I saw EVO. Being the overly obsessed game collector that I am, I knew it fetched a high price. I guess if ever need a quick $80 I can just sell it. I have never heard of The 7th Saga before I figured if Enix was involved it couldn’t be bad.

Since I’m in the midst of packing (EEEE!!) as I move next weekend (double EEEE!!) I have to cut this post short.

Thanks again to everyone who left feedback regarding my last post! You guys are great. I’m hoping to pick up a DSi next week — gotta wait until payday!

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Britt’s Note

April 2nd, 2012

BAHAHAHAHA. Oh my GOD I completely forgot about that trip to the zoo! Oh, yes, mental images of awesome memories are once again flooding my brain….

But onto more important things, like videogames.

I eventually did play Lost Planet, but that game was SO FREAKIN’ hard I didn’t get very far. I think I had it set to normal difficulty…if I ever play again I’ll probably have to be a poon about it and play on easy. :/

…Okay. I seriously can’t get the mental image of that gorilla eating his shit out of my head.

UGGGGGGHHHHHH