Britt5091 Origins: Jammed Weapons = Epic Suckage

Welcome to Britt5091: Origins, where I dig up old blog posts I used to write for IGN’s community under the username Britt5091. Some posts may make you giggle, some may make your eyes bleed, and some may make you stroke your beard in a pensive manner. All you need to know is that these posts, no matter how terrible some of them may be, ultimately lead to everything I do now.

Jammed Weapons: Epic Suckage

October 23, 2009

If you’re against hunting, then stay away from this post. You’ve been warned!

Though I’m almost completely immersed in a bathtub full of near-scalding water, I can’t seem to shake the chill I’ve acquired from being in the very weather that defines Washington’s 45 degrees, pissing rain and howling wind. I’ve a gnarly cut on my left leg and a few scratches scattered throughout. My pants and coat laying a few feet away have blood on them — but it’s not mine.

‘Tis hunting season!


I know, I know. It’s terrible. So sorry.

This morning I got up around 6, threw some camo on, pulled my hair back and off my dad and I went to Capital Forest (it really is amazing how quickly a girl can get ready when she needs to). We had gone hunting last weekend but to no avail. Didn’t see anything. So this weekend we were dying to see SOMETHING, whether it be deer, bear, cougar or even a grouse.

Capital Forest, where we mainly hunt, consists of vehicle accessible gravel roads that stretch throughout 287 square miles. Off of the main roads are trails that used to be gravel roads at one point, but are now overgrown and impassible by vehicle. They make GREAT trails to hike into and hunt.

The weather was perfect; it was rainy, windy, dark and cold. Really, you couldn’t have asked for anything better. Fact: the shittier the weather, the better the hunting. It gets the animals moving.

Another fact, albeit a frustrating one: You can hike miles upon miles and hours upon hours in the pounding rain and wind, only to see diddly. After your hike, you’ll hop in your truck, drive for a few minutes to your next destination and on your way see a deer standing off the side of the road, staring at you.

This, my friends, is exactly what happened this morning. After a grueling hike we were cold, wet, hungry and a little frustrated. We hadn’t seen hide nor hair of anything. No buck rubs, bear damage, nothing. As we neared the end of our hike, it was a relief to see his red Ford just over the horizon. One can’t help but to begin fantasizing about warm heaters and dry clothes.

Finally reaching the truck with nothing to show, we hopped in and began blasting the heat as we drove to our next destination. As we rounded a bend, I glanced out my window and began scanning a clear cut.


A clear cut. Trust me, this stuff isn’t easy to hike around in.

I’m not seeing anything, just a bunch of stump deer*—then the flicker of a tail 60-70 yards away.

I snatched the binoculars and brought them into focus. I saw antlers. That’s all I needed.

Now the following events, realistically lasting only 10 seconds or so, felt as if they were happening through slow motion.

Slapping the clip into my rifle, I stepped out of the truck while keeping an eye on the deer. He was a big buck and adrenaline began trickling through my veins.

Taking a deep breath, I mentally walked myself through the steps, in hopes to avoid Buck Fever*. Pull the bolt back, this would put a round in my chamber, turn the safety off, pull the trigger, get my deer…simple. Time to execute.

I began to pull the bolt back—

—And it jammed. FUCKING jammed. Instead of going into in the chamber, the round became stuck.

Panicking, I looked at the deer. It was almost as if he KNEW my rifle was jammed because he began to nonchalantly walk away. All I could do was helplessly watch.

A gunshot. I saw the deer buckle. I turned to my right.

Apparently Bambi took no notice of my dad, and that was a fatal mistake.

Since my 30.06 was toast (for the moment) I grabbed my .38 and scaled the clear cut in a way that Prince of Persia’s platforming had nothing on me. [face_wink]

Within seconds my dad and I were scouring the area. It was tough because generally you can hear them thrashing arou

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Update: August 6th, 2012

 ::on edge of seat:: —WHAAAAAA?!!!

DAMMIT! IGN cut off several of my blog posts, and this is one of them. 🙁 DAMN!

Uh, I guess I can finish the story though. Pretty much it took us forever and a half to locate the buck because of the bushy terrain (that’s what she said!) but I finally spotted a few drops of blood on a nearby plant and BLAMMO! That lead us to the deer.

Maaaaan. I can’t wait for hunting season. THREE MONTHS!  

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