Last Night, I Had a Dream About Zombies. RAWR.

I dream about zombies. A lot. Sometimes these dreams are exciting; yet other times these dreams featuring pusbag flesh eaters are filled with anxiety and fear. I mean, as it should be, right? As “fun” as it would be to experience a zombie apocalypse, it only makes sense that you might shit your pants from time to time.

The last exciting zombie dream I had was three or four weeks ago. What was this dream about, you ask? Well my friend, it was about yours truly blasting zombies from dark catwalks with a rifle-shotgun hybrid. Trust me, it was as amazing as it sounds. And to make it even better, there wasn’t an impending sense of doom washed over me. It was exciting. I felt like I was in the middle of Raccoon City with an IRL GameShark activated; I WAS INVINCIBLE!

Yeah, it looked pretty much like this.

But then there are the dreams like I had last night. The dreams that lurk in the depths of your SOUL and EAT YOU ALIVE; the dreams that force you to punch yourself repeatedly in the face in hopes you’ll wake up.

Yes I did punch myself in the face, but we can get to that later.

Preface: In this dream, the zombies emerged at night. Kind of like vampires. The pansies.

I’m not entirely sure where the setting took place, but it was outside of this rectangular glass building built in middle of a graveyard. I had just gotten off of work, and the sun was going down. A few co-workers and I knew the zombies were coming, so I called my father and asked him to pick us up, as we hadn’t found a place to hole up for the night (FAIL!). But a few minutes later I called him back and told him that I decided to stay at my OTHER friend’s house instead. Well, he had already driven to our meeting spot, and I felt like a big jerkbag as I watched him drive away. SORRY PA.

These people and I made our way to my friend’s house. Unfortunately, the crazy dream-world took over and the sun went from existent to non-existent in, oh, thirty seconds? Seriously, it was like Link showed up and played the Sun’s Song. I peered down an alley (where my friends house was) and there were already zombies shuffling around her house. OF COURSE. With that safe-haven now unavailable, we did what any survivors would do; we broke into a Vietnamese hole-in-the-wall restaurant and took refuge.

…Right.

So anyway, this place wasn’t secure at all, and zombies were trying to enter through an air duct inside the restaurant. The doors and windows were glass, with no protective bars across them. The lights were still on. AND ANY RESPECTIVE ZOMBIE KILLER KNOWS THAT YOU DO NOT LEAVE THE LIGHTS ON WHEN TAKING REFUGE UNLESS YOU ARE SEVERAL STORIES UP. Oh, and at one point I used scotch tape to seal up the duct’s opening, because that would totally work in real life.

While we managed to keep the zombies at bay, I couldn’t shake this sense of dread and vulnerability. In fact, it finally got so intense that it bitch-slapped me with its intensity and I realized I was dreaming. So there I was, sitting by an air vent blocked off by scotch tape wondering why the HELL I was having this dream. But even with the realization that I was dreaming, the fear factor didn’t diminish. It was like I was stuck in a movie theatre being forced to watch the scariest film ever (which is The Exorcist in case you didn’t know).

Eventually, I became fed up with my fake “co-survivors”. The asshats didn’t have any weapons, they didn’t know what they were doing, and they were being loud and obnoxious.

So I decked myself in the face, expecting to wake up.

DIDN’T WORK.

So I punched myself again, as hard as I could, aaand HOLY SHIT, for being in a dream IT HURT SO BAD. You know how sometimes you mimic IRL what you do in your dream? Yeah. I’m thankful I don’t have a black eye today.

Sigh.

For whatever reason, watching me hit myself in the face convinced my imaginary co-workers to turn off the restaurant lights. And THEN I woke up. Lame. You know what I wish I would have done? As soon as I found out it was a dream, I totally should have ran outside, created an RPG launcher and went Rambo. But alas…

As much as I wish I could say there is a valuable lesson learned from all of this, there isn’t. But maybe you can find some deep ulterior meaning amongst these words. Anyway, that was a dream I had. I shared it with you ‘cuz that’s what I do.

While we’re on the topic, have you had any good zombie dreams lately?

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  • This sounds like awesome dream. I can only imagine how crazy you looked punching yourself in the face to your imaginary co-workers. However, I guess in a dream, it would be somewhat normal.

    If I was in that dream (and I was aware it was a dream) I would have dreamed up some dynamite and went jihad on those zombies.

  • Sammi

    Learn from the dream in case a zombie apocalypse happens and be prepared? XD

  • Alex R

    That’s funny, this picture reminded me of a scene from We’re Alive. When Michael got separated from the rest of the group when they needed to get the water or electricity,remember britt? haha that’s awesome 😀

  • Osiris

    I don’t understand why you didn’t just go to Costco and sleep on the toilet paper.

  • Totally agree with you about The Exorcist. Screw that movie.

  • Ron

    The other day, I had an odd dream, and recounted it to someone else. Sorry it’s not zombie, but I know you well enough that you’ll enjoy it.

    ————————

    Well, it was odd, and since I didn’t write it down, my memory is kind of disjointed, but I will try to piece it together. And I know there will be additional details given that have no relation to the overall story of the dream, but that’s kind of how dreams work, dur.

    It started (or did it?) with me playing SNES in a split-level house at what felt like about 10 o’clock in the morning. The house had a large atrium with a glass chandelier. (Think of the atrium from Resident Evil , but with open side rooms that were a couple steps down). I vaguely remember an older brother coming in to play with me. (I’m 25, btw)

    I got bored and then went outside to find myself on the steps of a mansion on a steep hill shaped like an upside down ‘U’. (Very Tim Burton-esque). Tables with assorted junk were placed all across the lawn. Apparently we were having a garage sale, but there were no people there, buying or selling. I slowly started to look through the content, and eventually had my heart drop. I picked up a VHS (yes), that I recognized as a porno [that I had stumbled across in real life in my older brothers room, that I had then hidden in the basement between some structural boards] *bracketed text happened in real life. I panicked, because that meant that someone had found my stash. I ran back into the house and hide it again. (which by this point I realized this house was where I lived in the dream). Found a great spot underneath a clawed bathtub upstairs.

    On the way back down the stairs, I am confronted by my mother, who didn’t say anything but did the exact same thing as “Creepy Watson”. (if you haven’t seen that, watch it. makes the story much more contextual). Very creepy, but I manage to shake her somehow, and am now on the front lawn again, talking with my sister. I start telling her about the porno (for some reason), and that my mother was creeping me out. Suddenly a knife bursts from her chest, very similarly to the first death in Dead Space 2, except that there was no one nearby. I panic the fuck out, and run screaming back into the house, and curl up in a fetal position next to the SNES.

    This is where the dream gets especially blurry, but I remember eventually finding all my brothers and sisters across various rooms of the house, and each of them dying in a similar manner. (editor’s note: I have 7 brothers and sisters)

    Eventually I find my mother standing directly behind me at the front of the stairs saying nothing. Just staring. At this point I’m doing the horrible backwards crawl up the stairs while still keep eye contact on her the entire time. I get to the top of the stairs turn to run, and crash right into her. We both fall in a heap, and I realize she dead. She’s fucking dead, and she’s laying on top of me! I do the icky dance getting her off of me. I stood there heaving, with my hands on my knees. I tried to regain my breath, and slowly but surely, I calm down.

    Standing at the top of the stairs, I visualized all the deaths that had happened, kind of purging their deaths from my mind. After the last flashback, I’m back at the top of the stairs. I look down and see a knife protruding from my chest, with my hand grasping the hilt. And in that moment while I died, I realized I had been the killer all along.
    Then I woke up.

    TL:DR; Woke up, played some video games, hid some porno, watched my family die one at a time right in front of me, and find out I’m the killer by killing myself. All in a days work.