Last Night, I Had a Dream About Zombies. RAWR.

I dream about zombies. A lot. Sometimes these dreams are exciting; yet other times these dreams featuring pusbag flesh eaters are filled with anxiety and fear. I mean, as it should be, right? As “fun” as it would be to experience a zombie apocalypse, it only makes sense that you might shit your pants from time to time.

The last exciting zombie dream I had was three or four weeks ago. What was this dream about, you ask? Well my friend, it was about yours truly blasting zombies from dark catwalks with a rifle-shotgun hybrid. Trust me, it was as amazing as it sounds. And to make it even better, there wasn’t an impending sense of doom washed over me. It was exciting. I felt like I was in the middle of Raccoon City with an IRL GameShark activated; I WAS INVINCIBLE!

Yeah, it looked pretty much like this.

But then there are the dreams like I had last night. The dreams that lurk in the depths of your SOUL and EAT YOU ALIVE; the dreams that force you to punch yourself repeatedly in the face in hopes you’ll wake up.

Yes I did punch myself in the face, but we can get to that later.

Preface: In this dream, the zombies emerged at night. Kind of like vampires. The pansies.

I’m not entirely sure where the setting took place, but it was outside of this rectangular glass building built in middle of a graveyard. I had just gotten off of work, and the sun was going down. A few co-workers and I knew the zombies were coming, so I called my father and asked him to pick us up, as we hadn’t found a place to hole up for the night (FAIL!). But a few minutes later I called him back and told him that I decided to stay at my OTHER friend’s house instead. Well, he had already driven to our meeting spot, and I felt like a big jerkbag as I watched him drive away. SORRY PA.

These people and I made our way to my friend’s house. Unfortunately, the crazy dream-world took over and the sun went from existent to non-existent in, oh, thirty seconds? Seriously, it was like Link showed up and played the Sun’s Song. I peered down an alley (where my friends house was) and there were already zombies shuffling around her house. OF COURSE. With that safe-haven now unavailable, we did what any survivors would do; we broke into a Vietnamese hole-in-the-wall restaurant and took refuge.

…Right.

So anyway, this place wasn’t secure at all, and zombies were trying to enter through an air duct inside the restaurant. The doors and windows were glass, with no protective bars across them. The lights were still on. AND ANY RESPECTIVE ZOMBIE KILLER KNOWS THAT YOU DO NOT LEAVE THE LIGHTS ON WHEN TAKING REFUGE UNLESS YOU ARE SEVERAL STORIES UP. Oh, and at one point I used scotch tape to seal up the duct’s opening, because that would totally work in real life.

While we managed to keep the zombies at bay, I couldn’t shake this sense of dread and vulnerability. In fact, it finally got so intense that it bitch-slapped me with its intensity and I realized I was dreaming. So there I was, sitting by an air vent blocked off by scotch tape wondering why the HELL I was having this dream. But even with the realization that I was dreaming, the fear factor didn’t diminish. It was like I was stuck in a movie theatre being forced to watch the scariest film ever (which is The Exorcist in case you didn’t know).

Eventually, I became fed up with my fake “co-survivors”. The asshats didn’t have any weapons, they didn’t know what they were doing, and they were being loud and obnoxious.

So I decked myself in the face, expecting to wake up.

DIDN’T WORK.

So I punched myself again, as hard as I could, aaand HOLY SHIT, for being in a dream IT HURT SO BAD. You know how sometimes you mimic IRL what you do in your dream? Yeah. I’m thankful I don’t have a black eye today.

Sigh.

For whatever reason, watching me hit myself in the face convinced my imaginary co-workers to turn off the restaurant lights. And THEN I woke up. Lame. You know what I wish I would have done? As soon as I found out it was a dream, I totally should have ran outside, created an RPG launcher and went Rambo. But alas…

As much as I wish I could say there is a valuable lesson learned from all of this, there isn’t. But maybe you can find some deep ulterior meaning amongst these words. Anyway, that was a dream I had. I shared it with you ‘cuz that’s what I do.

While we’re on the topic, have you had any good zombie dreams lately?

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