The story of Kaidan Alenko and I

It was only this year that I delved into the Mass Effect series, and while I didn’t make a log at the time (because this site didn’t exist!) I’ll wrap my experience up in a nutshell:

 <3.

By now you guys should know that I’m all about interesting characters. If game’s characters are static and dull, I tend to lose interest rather quickly. But if they’re full of life and depth, I tend to develop pseudo feelings for these guys. I care about them as if they were my real friends. So, you can only imagine my reaction to Kaidan’s douchebaggyness in Mass Effect 2.

Y U HATING, K?

Maybe I should rewind a bit. See, I romanced Kaidan in Mass Effect 1, and our history is a little rocky. Upon meeting Lieutenant Alenko I thought he was a little weird and homely, but the fucker grew on me. He was cute, humble, and he told me he once broke someone’s neck. Hot. Ultimately, I had my way with him and he fell in love with me—,er he fell in love with Shepard. Now, Mass Effect 2 was the first game I had ever played that utilized data integration, so I was extremely anxious to see how my lil’ Alenko romance would play out in the sequel. Well, it was rather unfortunate when, not even five minutes into the game, the Normandy was blown into oblivion and Shepard died of asphyxiation. Yeah, how about that?

Needless to say, Mass Effect 2 took a dramatic curve right from the get-go and consequently I had to recruit brand spankin’ new party members. I hoped against hope that Kaidan would eventually fill one of the empty voids on my party selection screen, but my hope dwindled as I progressed through the game. All that remained of Kaidan’s presence was a photo of him on my desk that would greet me with his a-daw-able face every time I walked into my quarters.  But deep down I was beginning to think I’d never see him again. Just when I was about to give up, the Illusive Man suggested that I check out the planet Horizon and, he added, a former colleague may be in the area.

That colleague turned out to be Kaidan. My heart swelled as we embraced for the first time in years, but it deflated just as quickly. As soon as Kaidan found out I was working with Cerberus he began acting like Douchey McDouchebag. OH SORRY KAIDAN I WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW, DEAD FOR A FEW YEARS. SORRY I COULDN’T WRITE TO YOU AND EXPLAIN THE SITUATION.

I found myself truly offended by his douchebaggyness. We parted on a sour note, with no plans to meet up ever again.

But soon after our lil’ meeting he sent me an email apologizing for his dooshattitude; admitting that he thought he had lost me, and once he saw me all of those warm-n-fuzzy feelings came rushing back. He said he couldn’t believe that I was working with Cerebrus and, in turn, acted like a douchenozzle, for which he apologized. He even hinted at getting back together once everything settled down. Oh, I was a sucker and I immediately forgave the bastard. That was the last I heard from him.

Now Garrus, on the other hand, had re-joined my party earlier in the game. Although he somewhat resembled a cricket, I was beginning to get a little flirtatious with the Turian. He was mysterious and had an intoxicating aura of confidence about him, a refreshing change from the Lieutenant.

It's so true.

One lonely night on the Normandy, I let things go a little too far between Garrus and I. You could say that we…erm, had settled on a verbal agreement to participate in interspecies sex. EVENTUALLY. We hadn’t done anything just yet. As I left Garrus and made my way to the captain’s quarters I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of regret. Had I just majorly fucked up? I could always tell Garrus that I really didn’t want to go through with it; I could explain to him that I got caught up in the moment. It was just friendly flirtation that had been, unintentionally, taken to the next step. Surely he’d understand. In the meantime, all I needed to do was take a look at Kaidan’s photo. That would clear my head. As the doors to my room wooshed open, my eyes immediately scanned my desk to find Kaidan’s photo.

But I couldn’t find it. Where was it? It wasn’t next to my Medal of Honor like it normally was. It—oh.

The photo was face down. APPARENTLY my flirtatious antics with Garrus caused an unseen force to knock it over. In this case, the unseen force would be a little company called Bioware.

HA-HA BIOWARE. U SO FUNNY.

Had I seriously just broken it off with Kaidan?! I felt my heart drop. 

But then I remembered that I am save whore and had several different save files. Before I could say “Kaidan is a douchebag” I had booted up a different save and, once again, Kaidan’s photo was right where it should be—perky sitting on my desk face up. All was right in the world, and I remained faithful to Kaidan (or should I say his photo?) during the remainder of Mass Effect 2. Were my efforts for naught?  Well, according to Casey Hudson, executive producer of the Mass Effect series:

“So even something like: if you had a Mass Effect 1 romance and you didn’t have a Mass Effect 2 romance, so you stay true to the character from the first game, there’s a scene where you look at the picture of that character, and that’s essentially the romance scene in Mass Effect 2,” Hudson explained.

“I think when people realized that we were thinking about that kind of thing, and that we were going to reflect those kinds of decisions, then it’s like ‘Wow, the game actually knows that I didn’t cheat on my Mass Effect 1 love interest. So if it knows that, then it probably knows other stuff that it will reflect. Then that means I need to think about that stuff [when] talking to characters and making decisions and the like.’”

 “…the game actually knows that I didn’t cheat on my Mass Effect 1 love interest…”

 HEEEEEEEH. ;^_^(\ 

Thank you, Casey Hudson. This is why you are awesome. I can’t wait to see how Kaidan makes up for it and kisses my ass. Er…well, maybe I don’t want to really see that.

…No, wait, I do. I really, really do.

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