Britt5091 Origins: If you could be ported into ANY game of your choice, which one would you choose?

Welcome to Britt5091: Origins, where I dig up old blog posts I used to write for IGN’s community under the username Britt5091. Some posts may make you giggle, some may make your eyes bleed, and some may make you stroke your beard in a pensive manner. All you need to know is that these posts, no matter how terrible some of them may be, ultimately lead to everything I do now.

If you could be ported into ANY game of your choice, which one would you choose?

June 29th, 2009

Let’s all go back to Kindergarten and “pretend”. Let’s say that your favorite developer calls you, and asks you to participate in an experiment. The experiment? This hot new technology called NatalWand+ which allows the player to take on the lead role in his/her favorite video game.

Want to play as Link in Twilight Princess but never have held a sword? Are you a paraplegic, but want some Goomba stomping action? No problem, says the developer, you will be pre-loaded with all the immediate skills necessary upon playing. Here are the rules:

1) You will respawn.
2) You can never die for real.
3) You can choose if you want to feel pain. So, for example, if you are considering playing one of the kajillions of WW2 games out there, consider that. This separates the boys from the men, bahaha.
4) No wounds sustained from gameplay will transfer over to real life.
5) You can stop gameplay at any time.
6) If you play a game with multiple characters, you may choose to play the role of a supporting character.
7) Though you are replacing the character, you are your own person and retain your own personality; however you can’t impact the storyline.

These are the first games that came to mind:

Resident Evil (0-CVX): Holy freakin shit that would be awesome. I love the puzzles and the overall eeriness that is the *old* Resident Evil. I would search high and low for documents, pass codes and ID badges, blast zombies, tyrants, lickers and other monsters along the way. It might get kind of old running back and forth from room to room, building to building, finding this crest and that key, but I’d be preloaded with the stamina of a bull so it wouldn’t be that much of a problem. The only thing, it would SUCK to be bitten. I’d love to meet Barry and listen to him say his famous line, and then shoot him in the face. [face_angel]

Legend of Zelda: OOT: Now this one I would love to be in…I could dedicate a whole post for this. From the Deku Tree to the Shadow Temple, heart pieces to magic beans, the sweet weapons to acquire, there would be so much to do, see and learn. Who wants to wield a sword and shield? Who wants to ride a horse through the fields of Hyrule? Who wants to bitchslap Ganon? Who wants to see those scary naked fairies in real life? *raises hand* ME!

And hell I’d like to grow 7 years in the blink of an eye, and go back whenever I wanted.

Final Fantasy IX: FFIX is by far one of my favorite games of all time. I love the medieval timeframe and settings. I would have to play as Garnet/Dagger, just for the sole purpose of interacting with Zidane, but wouldn’t be the wuss she turns out to be *glare*. The characters off FFIX have great depth and distinct personalities; they would be a fun bunch to be around. What girl doesn’t dream of being a princess abducted by a thief with a monkey tail? *sigh*

I am going to have to go with?


Hellz yeah. Hyrule needs a female hero!

What about you? What game, and why? Or, what game would you NEVER want to be ported into?

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Britt’s Note:

Ahh, see now this is kind of funny because I wrote this post four months before Dragon Age: Origins released. Actually, I don’t think I knew what DA:O even was at the time!

So, If I were to write this post now, Bioware’s fantasy masterpiece would definitely be one of the games I would consider venturing to. Sure, Darkspawn would try to kill me and taint me with their blood, but hey, I have one, ONE word for you:

Alistair.

Right, like you didn’t see that one coming.

But other than that, I’d want to meet the vast cast of characters and do the following:

1)      Punch Loghain in the face

2)      Make out with Bann Teagan

3)      Poke Morrigan’s boobs

4)      Have Sten crochet with me (I do not know how to crochet)

5)      Go shopping with Leliana

6)      Have a threesome with Zevran

7)      Drink with Oghren and wrestle a nug

8)      Allow Wynne to school me with her wisdom

9)      Pigeon hunt with Shale

10)     Play fetch with my doggie with a Darkspawn leg <3

I would travel across the land, searching far and wide—for specific landmarks such as Orzammar, Denerim, The Pearl, Ostagar (what’s left of it), Lothering…

Hmmm. You know, I’d almost say I’d rather venture to Dragon Age’s world than Ocarina of Time’s. If for nothing but the company.

Yes, I am aware that I sound like a huge nerd right now. Very. Aware.

 

 

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  • Boots_33

    I support #3.

    • Britt

      You and everyone else 😉

  • can I go shopping with Leliana, poke her boobs (instead of Morrigan’s), make out with her (instead of Bann), and then have a threesome with her and Morrigan? =D

    • Britt

      ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY! 😀 😀 😀

  • I know there are a lot of people out there who love Dragon Age, and on paper I should too. But I never got into it for some reason. I can appreciate certain aspects of it but it never grew on me the way I had hoped. I should replay it again and give it another chance though.

    • Britt

      Yes. Yes you should. But that’s interesting. I’m curious to know what you did and didn’t like about it.

  • I soooo remember this picture! lol.

    • Britt

      I SO REMEMBER YOUR FACE!

  • Joey

    I be power-tripping.
    1. Infamous 1 &/or 2
    2. Dc Universe(cause you can’t really change an MMo’s storyline anyway)
    3. City of Heroes(For exact same reasons)
    4. WoW(I want to punt Goblins! Which brings me too…)
    5. 3(Punt chickens, save the world, and get to rule it too? Yes,please.)
    6. Dragon Age: Origins(Gotta have my witchy ending, right?)
    7. Dragon Age 2(To steal Hawks beard, and his pirate girlfriend.)
    8. Time Shift or Fracture(2 completely underrated awesome games with great in game abilities and main characters so bland that the other characters may well welcome the change…)

  • Captain Squiffy

    Skyrim: No diggity: Reasoning/Logix- Best game eVeR (ok, not really, BUT i am stuck with this until the bitter end and sadly my entire life has been infested with moments of Skyrim fever (even to the point where i drift off at work wondering whether to go on a dragon priest murder spree cause i want some masky magic juju or fetch some dwarven cogs from a dwemer ruin for some random quest or other, and then lose all interest in anything but getting home to become Frodi for a few more sweet hours): Sad but true, Bethesda softworks have had far too much influence in my life, their RPGs destroying whatever little interest i have in reality.

    Things, if all stated rules apply, i would HAVE to do, given a chance to portal into Skyrim;

    1. ‘accidently’ grab the little girl from Whiterun and shove her face into one of the fires on the street- now, i don’t condone child abuse, but if that bitch tells me she’s ‘not afraid of me’ one more time when i am selling my random loot about town, i will have to stab her….f*cking RuDe!

    2. Sex sandwich with (the obvious)Lydia and ‘Hroki’: often overlooked, Hroki wanders about aimlessly by the crappy market stalls in Markarth- not much of a talker, but then i am not dragging her back to Breezehome to keep my wife company…whatever her name is, Lyssa? Jessa? i can’t be sure, i go home, she gives me cash, i dump some stuff and go off on a quest…its a happy arrangement
    Thinking on this theme, getting ‘Vex’ from the thieves guild involved wouldn’t be a terrible move, i like the mean streak, and the leather isn’t off putting

    3. Knock seven shades of sh*t out of the two elf bitches that run the crappy clothes shop in Solitude…go in and say hi, you will understand…f*ck YOU ya two bit bog eyed ugly old hags

    4. Open a medieval McDonalds in every hold, serving McSabre Burgers with Nord fries, could make alot of gold- Faendal from Riverwood can serve up, cause he sure is useless on an adventure: snowberry milkshakes….yum

    5. Set up a protection racket or loan shark scheme throughout the holds- while watching one of my minions hack away at some troll or draugr in some dungeon or other, i find my mind wandering to the many money making schemes the locals have failed to take advantage of: yes, dungeons and ruins have gold laying about aplenty, and old crap around and about is worth a punt, magic and daedric summoning along with using hired hands as a human/mer shield does prevent death, but its all alot of effort, and these bloody dungeons involve lots of walking and puzzle solving: mafia style business schemes are low effort and high profit
    Alternative untapped business ideas;

    a. Drugs- theres skooma, but potentially investing in some alchemy training and setting up a little dealership could create good revenue; refined vampire dust, 40 gold pieces a gram, and has anyone ever smoked frost miriam? Doubt it, but maybe they should….

    b. Writing and publishing books- everyone has them in Skyrim, but if you have ever tried to actually read one…they’re a bit crap, a bit of imagination would definately sell

    c. BANKS- why, why, why, why, why, WHY has nobody thought about a bank? We store your gold, keep it safe, you pay us a weekly storage fee, eventually if you have enough banks and gold in storage, you can invest some of it, put limits on the withdrawal per day, and watch the cash roll in…

    d. stripper joint: there are alot of nord chicks wandering about with barely any clothes on, they’re poor and life is dull, nord blokes have cash and they are bored, buy a bar, set up some poles, put out some bowls and watch the gold pile up

    Anyway, i am wandering off on a tangent….basically, this is the best question eVeR, with any luck this won’t have bored you to death- i am an excitable little geek!

    Captain Squiffy, UK x

    P.S Britt- you are, without a doubt, AmAziNg! Legendary site….hope i can get more people onto it and spread the geeky joy!